"We're Not Back"

Possibly the saddest moment of the series is in The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End when Elizabeth finds her father in the land of the dead.  We never really learn what happened to Elizabeth's mother, but she is never shown or mentioned, assuming she has passed away.  Which only causes this encounter to be even more tragic, because Elizabeth must now return to the land of the living, parentless.

When Elizabeth first sees her father while she is safely on board the Black Pearl after saving Jack, she thinks that they've returned.  She's incredibly happy to see him in a little row boat amoung many others.  "Elizabeth, we're not back," Jack says solemnly.  That changes everything.  She begins to frantically call to her father. Weatherby Swann: "Elizabeth, are you dead?"  Elizabeth: "No. No." Weatherby: "I think I am."  Elizabeth: "No, you can't be."  The former governor just sits in his little row boat, calmly as he sails to the afterlife.  Elizabeth on the other hand, does the exact opposite.  She throws a rope overboard to him, asking him to climb on.  But it's too late.  She tragically screams and cries and you really can't help but feel sorry for her when he doesn't take the rope.  He calmly tells her that he's just so proud of her.  When they last saw eachother, he was risking his life to get her safely out of Port Royal.  Of course, after that she sails around the globe doing tons of dangerous stuff, but ya know.  Tia Dalma commands that she doesn't leave the ship, so every on has to hold her back.  And eventually she is thrusted into dear Will's arms as she weeps.

Now how did Weatherby Swann end up in the land of the dead in the first place?  Surely he wasn't on a mission to save Jack.  Well, we know that he too is arrested at the beginning of The Prrates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and taken before Lord Beckett to bargain.  "So you see, Mercer, every man has a price he will willingly accept, even for what he hopes never to sell." -Beckett.  He utlimately agrees to give Beckett whatever so long as he keeps his daughter safe.  

So he goes on a little adventure with Beckett inorder to help him control the seas with Davy Jones.  That is, until Beckett decides that he has no more use for him.  Mercer: "He's a sly one, that Jones; who's going to kill him, if they know they'll be killing?" Beckett: "I can order Admiral Norrington's silence. He'll obey; it's what he does."  Mercer: "And the governor?" Beckett: "Yes. Well, every man should have a secret he carries with him to his grave." Oh, how we despise Beckett.  It's one thing to be cruel to a pirate, like Jack, but it's a whole new level when you execute an oblivious old man who only wants to do whats best for his only child.  Thins get a bit awkward when Elizabeth is reunited with Norrington, who has been working for the Royal Navy.  James: "Thank God you're alive. Your father will be overjoyed to know you're safe."  Elizabeth: "My father is dead."  James: "No.  That can't be.  He returned to England."  Elizabeth: "Did Lord Beckett tell you that?"  You walked right into that one, dude.  

"I'll give your love to your mother then, shall I?" 
The final words of Governor Weatherby Swann

"I Wish To Report A Mutiny"

In The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Jack is hoaxed into being a crew member on board the Queen Anne's Revenge by his infamous ex-whatever, Angelica.  He is forced to sleep in the crew's bunks and be a deckhand, not really Jack's thing, is it?  Especially with the bizarre zombie masters.  As it turns out, he's not the only one who has been fooled.  In fact, all the other crew members agreed to join the ship because they thought Angelica was Jack.  It must be really disappointing when you think you will be sailing under the great Captain Jack Sparrow but you just end up with Angelica and her evil father, Blackbeard.  So, in the dead of the night, Jack hosts a little crew meeting.  Jack: "The topic, gentlemen...is mutiny. Mutiny most foul." Salaman: "Aye. I signed up to sail under Jack Sparrow, not some pretender." Ezekiel: "And a lady at that."  Cook: "And mention was failed to made of this uncanny crew."

Jack then asks them if they have ever actually seen Blackbeard.  Everyone admits that the captain has never left his cabin and they only see the first mate, Angelica.  They only believe that it's Blackbeard because of the name of the ship.  From this, Jack concludes that this is not actually Blackbeard's ship, and they have just fallen into another trick.  Jack: "Gentlemen...sirs...fellow conscriptees...you have been monstrously deceived."

Of course this theory doesn't actually hold up too well when they decide to commit mutiny.  But first, Jack must sneak in and inform Angelica of their plans.  Jack: "I thought I should give you fair warning: we're taking the ship." Angelica: "Desgraciado!" (Which means unfortunate...?) Jack: "Nothing personal!" Angelica: "Sparrow! Ven aquí o te arranco la cabeza!" (Which means come here or I'll tear your head.)  Jack: "You might be better off if you just..." She then jabs her sword through the door at him. "Stay out of it," he finishes.  

So the whole ship breaks into all out war.  And it really does seem as though the crew is actually going to do it.  Jack gets up and announces, "The ship is ours!" Except things don't go exactly the way they planned, because as it turns out, Blackbeard really was on the ship.  

And because Blackbeard is all powerful with his fancy sword that controls ships, he ropes all the crew members up.  Blackbeard: "Gentlemen...I be placed in a bewilderment. There I were, resting. And upon a sudden, I hear an ungodly row on deck. Sailors abandoned their posts, without orders, without leave. Men before the mast, and taking the ship for themselves. What be that, First Mate?" Angelica: "Mutiny, Captain."  And then dear Jack flies over, all tied up and hanging upside down.  Jack: "Captain, I wish to report a mutiny.  I can name fingers and point names." Smooth.  Blackbeard: "No need, Mr. Sparrow.  They are sheep.  You, their shepherd."  Good one.

Blackbeard then decides to punish them by throwing a crew member into a rowboat in the middle of the ocean.  And if that wasn't cruel enough, he blasts the man with fire.  Harsh.  "If I don't kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am." Well, with a beard like that it would be kinda hard not to.  But nonetheless, it's somewhat of an epic failure for the crew.  But not to Jack because he then gets a meeting with the captain.  So it's all good in the end, right?  

"Up Is Down"

In The Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End the crew has sailed to the end of the earth and has rescued Jack and the Black Pearl, but sadly, that's not even the hardset part: getting back.  All they can do is stare at the stolen maps from Singapore.  Now that they've been out in the sun for quite a while, they're water supplies are running low, and more importantly, THE RUM IS GONE!  

"Up is down. Well that’s just maddeningly unhelpful.
Why are these things never clear?" -Jack

That's when Jack, and the other Jack, and the other Jack have an epiphany.  Mini Jack 1: "The immortal Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack: "Oohh, I like that."  Mini Jack2: "Come sunset it won't matter."  Jack: "Not sunset, sundown.  And rise!  UP!"

Jack realizes that to get out of the world of the dead, they have to flip the whole boat at sunset.  As the sun begins to set in the world of the dead, it is only beginning to rise in the world of the living.  So Jack tricks the crew to run from side to side of the boat, eventually making it capsize.  They flipped a little to early though and have to awkwardly wait for the sun to completely set.   Alas, the sun is down and the water begins to turn and the boat is again right side up.  There is a flash of green light.  They have returned from the land of the dead! And find that the sun is just beginning to rise.

Now Pintel and Ragetti the two silly crew members who never seem to do anything right have an epiphany of their own.  Pintel: "He's rocking the ship."  Ragetti: "We'll tie each other to the mast upside down so when the boat flips we'll be the right way up!"  Sadly, it doesn't work out that way.  And when they return to the land of the living, they are again upside down.

Welcome back to the land of the living Captain Jack Sparrow!  It just wouldn't be the same without you.

The Price Of Freedom: Book Review

Traveling back 12 years From the Pirates of The Caribbean A.C Crispin shines light on how Jack got to be who he was. Jack Sparrow the legendary Pirate was not so legendary 12 years ago. After doing some frowned upon things He was pretty much exiled from his home and had to become a merchant captain for the East India Trading Company. While working for the EITC he runs into Cutler Beckett, who has an interesting job for him. Cutler want Jack to find the lost city of Kerma. Jack has heard of this magical island and accepts the position with great joy.  With the help of his trusted first mate Robby Greene; Jack set out on his voyage to search for the long lost magical island of Kerma...And of course he runs into some women on the way but he never loses sight of his trusty compass and his favorite bottle of rum.

"...And Then They Made Me Their Chief."

While on his quest to Find Jack; Will Turner sails to an island after receiving tips from various pirates, "There's an island just south of the straits, where I trade spice for…delicious long pork. Cannot say about Jack, but you'll find a ship there. A ship with black sails." The crew anchored the ship and set of in search of their beloved captain. A few miles inland Will and his borrowed crew where taken captive and soon found themselves hanging in a rope ball above a very steep gorge.

Using some tricky maneuvering they climbed up the side of the gorge and freed themselves. Unfortunately soon after that Will was recaptured. (He was quite unlucky on this journey if you ask me. ) He was brought before their Chief; a god who had mysteriously dropped from the sky.  Hmmm I wonder who it is? Well Jack of course. Now you see Jack thinks he is really smart and understands the language but what he doesn't know is that his new found worshipers are planning on eating him for dinner.  He is tied up to a big stick like Will and propped up next to a large pile of tinder. But soon after they get Jack all set for barbecuing the have to go chase down some other captives. They left Jack to his own devices and of course he escaped. However when he got down to the beach  he looked behind him; Low and behold a mob of painted cannibals were chasing after their dinner. Jack looked infront of him and noticed his crew was leaving him behind. Will tried to stop them....until he saw the angry mob of hungry cannibals "What about Jack!? I won't leave without him!" "Oi!" "...Time to go." But jack ran as fast as he godlike legs could go, and made it on board the ship barely.

And some where out there in the middle of the ocean is a island of cannibals, who will always remember the day they Almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Consider That In Your Calculations"

In The PIrates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Lord Cutler Beckett locks up Will and Elizabeth in jail.  Beckett then sends out Will to find Jack and bring back his compass in return for Will and Elizabeth's freedom.  Beckett was especially cruel as he arrested them on their wedding day.  Will: "You look beautiful."  Elizabeth: "I think its bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."  Yeah, they sorta did have some bad luck, considering they had to get arrested, travel around the world to find a key and a chest, feed Jack to a Kraken, sail to Singapore to steel some charts, sail to Davy Jones' Locker and save Jack, meet with the Brethren Court and the East India Trading Company, fight the crew of the Flying Dutchman, before they can finally get married.  That is rather unfortunate.

So Will is sent out to find Jack and Elizabeth is left her cell with a bunch of weirdos.  "Keep a weather eye on the horizon." -Will.  Eventually, her father comes to sneak her out of jail.  He plans on secretly sending her to England before anything worse happens.  Beckett's men hear of her escape and track down her wagon.  Elizabeth was too smart for them and fled before they cornered it.  Soldier: "Where is she?"  Governor Swann: "Who?"  Who do you think they're asking you about?

Elizabeth sneaks into Cutler Beckett's office.  Beckett: "No doubt you've discovered that loyalty is no longer the currency of the realm, as your father believes."  Elizabeth: "Then what is?"  Beckett: "I'm afraid currency is the currency of the realm."  Obviously.  Elizabeth: "I"m hear to negotiate."  Beckett: "I'm listening."  Then, as all pirates do, she holds a pistol to his face.  "I'm listening intently."  She then goes into this big rampage about how he doesn't really want the compass because it will do him no good.  She thinks it will take him the Isla de Muerta only to find the cursed Aztec gold.  That's when she realizes, the compass doesn't just point to the island, it will point anywhere, to anything you want the most.  I guess she will need to find a better persuasion tactic.  That's where the pistol comes in handy again.  Elizabeth: "Consider into your calculations that you robbed me of my wedding night."  Beckett: "I'll still want that compass.  Consider that in your calculations."  She then runs out of the office with the signed letters of Mark to the king that now bear Beckett's signature.  She climbs on board a ship and leaves Port Royal for the rest of her life.

"This Shot Was Not Meant For You"

In the classic scene of The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, when Jack and Will first lay eyes on eachother, they immediately try to kill eachother.  Jack just wants to get himself out of Port Royal because he has Commodore Norrington chasing him down.  Will has heard that a pirate has theartened his love, Elizabeth, and therefore needs to teach this pirate a lessen.  So they duel.  In the end, Jack desparately needs to get out because he can hear the British Navy pounding on the front door of the blacksmith shop.  Will is blocking the back door so he can't leave.  So Jack pulls out his gun and points it at Will.  Jack: "Move away."  Will: "No."  Jack: "Please move."  Will: "No.  I cannot just step aside and let you escape."  Jack: "This shot was not mean for you."  Then the blacksmith finally wakes up and hits Jack with a bottle, knocking him out.


These words are rather confusing at first. What does he mean that the shot is not meant for Will?  Of course it isn't, who would want to kill Will?  Earlier in the movie, James Norrington also discovers  the same pistol.  "No additional shots nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north," (drawing out the sword) "and I half expected it to be made of wood.  You are without doubt the worst pirate I ever heard of." Did it ever occur to you, James, that maybe there is a bigger picture here?  By the way, it's a little funny that when James holds the compass up, it points to himself.

So where did the pistol come from and why is it so important?  As we all know, Barbossa and the crew abandoned Jack far back on a little desserted island in the middle of nowhere.  He was left with nothing but a pistol with but one shot.  "When a pirate is marooned he's given a pistol with a single shot-- one shot.  That won't do much good hunting not to be rescued.  But after three weeks of a starving belly and thirst, that pistol start to look really friendly.  But Jack, he escaped that island and still has that single shot.  He won't use it though, save on one man.  He's mutinous for his mate." -Gibbs.  So instead of killing himself with that one shot, or Will, Jack's waiting to find Barbossa and use it on him.  Clever, eh?  Except this is a bit difficult because Barbossa can't die.

Jack does find Barbossa and his crew.  And they maroon him and Elizabeth on an isalnd, again.  Infact, they leave him on the same island with the exact same gun.  Jack: "Last time you left me with a pistol with one shot."  Barbossa: "By the powers you're right.  Where be Jack's pistol.  Bring it forward."  Jack: "Seeing as there's two of us, a gentleman would give us a pair of pistols."  Barbossa: "It will be one pistol as before and you can be the gentleman and shoot the lady and start to death yourself."  Very chivalrous.  They throw the pistol into the ocean and make Jack get it himself.

Against all odds, Jack and Elizabeth make it off the island, again.  And they sail with the navy to Isla de Muerta.  Jack and Barbossa sword fight all around the island while Will and Elizabeth take on the other cursed crew members.  Then Jack finally does it.  Barbossa: "Ten years you cary that pistol and now you waste your shot." Will: "He didn't waste it."  That's unfortunate.  Will was too quick and he turned the whole crew mortal again just after Jack shot Barbossa.  So at last Jack gets to use his pistol and kill his mutinier.  Of course, Barbossa comes back to life later but that's besides the point.

"This is Politics"

        After reviewing the "Code" The "Brethren Court" found that they needed to elect a new King. Now everyone wanted the power to make decisions about the upcoming stand against the British Navy. Some wanted to blockade themselves in the stronghold of Shipwreck Cove, some wanted to do the piratey thing and run, and still others actually wanted to fight. 

But only one gets to make that decision, The King. 

Every Pirate Lord in the room voted for themselves of course; Except one. Captain Jack Sparrow voted for the rookie Pirate Lord Captain Elizabeth Swann. The crowed went into an uproar and started killing their fellow Lords.

Elizabeth Swann"This is madness!"Jack Sparrow "This is politics."

Their newly elected King (with the help of Jack) put an end to the pointless fighting soon after it began.  Jack explained their plan to the Court,  "We must fight…to run away."

And dear Elizabeth immeditaly started giving orders  "Prepare every vessel that floats. At dawn, we're at war."―Elizabeth Swann.

But Barbossa had another plan. After his crew members collected the "Nine pieces of Eight"  the took them away. A few days later they came out once again, and Barbossa put his plan into action. He didn't believe that the Court could win the battle against the Fleet of Navy vessels, so he helped them by releasing the bounds put on the goddess Calypso (Who controls the sea)  This act changed the tide of the battle, and help the Court quite a bit. But the end came when Jack committed another act of bravery.  But you know all about that don't you?

"Send Him Back Myself"

Elizabeth searching through her
 clothes to find the last gun

In the opening scene of The Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, (if you don't count the weird two minute scene where you basically watch a bunch of sad people sing and get executed), Barbossa, Elizabeth, Will, and the rest of the crew arrive in Singapore too gain help in rescuing Jack from Davy Jones' locker.  Elizabeth and Barbossa enter in a little row boat while she sings a little song.  (If they are trying to make a quite entrance, I don't really understand why they would come in singing).  Will has gone in ahead of them in order to steal the charts needed to navigate them to the locker.  The other crew members sneak in and prepare to give Elizabeth and Barbossa weapons if necessary, which is pretty good because their other weapons we're confiscated before they could meet with the pirate lord of the South China Sea, Sao Feng  Elizabeth and Barbossa ask Sao Feng if he could provide them a ship and crew for their voyage to Davy Jone's Locker.

The problem is, Will has already been caught by Sao Feng's men when he was sneaking in to get the maps.  They pull out will from a barrel of water and question them about him.  How did they keep a man alive in a barrel of water?  Elizabeth and Barbossa of course have to pretend like they don't know Will because they don't won't Sao Feng to know that they were part of the break in.  Sao Feng then threatens to kill Will, and Elizabeth (and Barbossa sort of) gasp, giving it away.  Sao Feng gets super mad and starts ranting to them about how he will not be taken advantage of.

Elizabeth and Barbossa then have to explain why they need the charts in the first place: they need to bring back Jack so that the nine pirate lords (including Sao Feng) can meet at Shipwreck Cove to discuss what will happen now that Lord Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones.  Sao Feng does not react well to this idea.  "The only reason I would want Jack Sparrow returned from the Land of the Dead is so I could send him back myself!"  Elizabeth then feels the need to give him a pep talk and smack him back in place (as she does a lot in this movie).  "You are Sao Feng, the Pirate Lord of Singapore! You command in an Age of Piracy where bold captains sail free waters. Where waves aren't measured in feet, but as increments of fear, and those who pass the test become legend."

Sao Feng then realizes that one of the other men in his presence has a fake dragon tattoo, giving away that he's not really part of his men.  Sao Feng assumes that he's part of Barbossa's crew.  Sao Feng: "Drop the weapons or I'll kill the man."  Barbossa: "Well kill him.  He's not our man."  Will: "If he's not with us, and he's not with you, then who's he with?"  Thanks for stating the obvious Mr. Turner.  That's when everyone realizes that the British navy is also spying on them.  Singapore really is the place to be.

And when you have a bunch of pirates and soldiers in one place with a bunch of guns, you know what will happen: a full out battle.  Lucky for Elizabeth and Barbossa, Gibbs and the other crew men succeeded in their break in and were able to throw them their weapons from beneath.  Will is freed and they start blowing up things and fighting people throughout the city.  They do manage, however, to get a crew thanks to Will and run off with the charts.  Will even makes some kind of agreement to meet Sao Feng somewhere once they have gotten Jack.  It ends up being a pretty successful journey to the opposite side of the world.  Elizabeth was pretty worried about the trip at first.  Elizabeth: "Is the that terrifying?"  Barbossa: "He's much like meself, but absent my merciful and sense of fair play."  Because that's pretty much exactly what Hector Barbossa is like.

"Not Quite All The Way To Feelings"

 Jack and Angelica must have had a pretty unusual past together.  She seems to hold quite an unforgivable grudge on him for the whole The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.  The whole movie, we're pretty much wondering, what in the name of John Hancock's second beard happened between them?  Jack: "There is a girl, a female, of the opposite sex."  Gibbs: "When is there not?"  Good question.  Jack: "Perhaps I should say damsel."  Gibbs: "You're rescuing a damsel?  Well there's a first."  Jack: "Yes, it's just that I may have caused said damsel some manner of harm many moons ago."  Gibbs: "Out with it."  Jack: "Gibbs, this is the woman from Serville."  Gibbs: "Ah, you pretended to love her then you left her and broke her heart?" Jack: "Worse.  I may have had, briefly mind you.... stirrings." Gibbs: "Stirrings?"  Jack: "Stirrings."  Gibbs: "What?  Like feelings you mean?" Jack: "No, no, no.  Not quite all the way to feelings.  More like.... alright, feelings.  Darn you."  Gibbs: "And you left her still.  Ooooh, that's low."  It kinda is.  You know what I would give for Jack Sparrow to have feelings for me?  Jack: "Thank you."  Do I sense some remorse in his tone?  Gibbs is a good friend to talk to, until he calls Jack low.  Angelica: "You betrayed me!  You seduced me and you used me."  Jack doesn't really see it the way Anglica does though.  Jack: "How can you say I used you?" Angelica: "You know exactly how."  Jack:  "I know but, how can you say it."  

So what really happened? Angelica: "Don't worry Jack, I've forgiven you."  Jack: "For leaving you?"  Angelica: "I recall that I left you."  Jack: "A gentleman allows the lady to maintain her fiction."  And Jack is such a gentleman you know.  I'm sorta getting some different stories here.  From what I gather, Angelica was going to be a nun.  She was all happy in her Spanish convent.  And then Jack showed up, used her and probably got her to forget about taking her vows for a while.  Then, realizing he actually had "stirrings" or "feelings" or both for her, he got scared, because nothing can take Jack away from what he loves the most: being a pirate.  So he left.  And this probably made her mad (it would make me mad).  And then the are finally reunited, both threatening the others life as the fight.  Of course, in this scene she is disguised as Jack, because well who wouldn't want to be Jack?  Jack finally realizes it's his dearly beloved Angelica and kisses her, giving it away. Angelica: "How is it that we can never meet without you pointing something at me?"

But there not all about fighting and swords.  Angelica: "Wine, music, candlelight...I think we've traveled down this road before, Jack." Jack: "Yes, we have. I remember it well. Winding, twisting, turning, gyrating, writhing...and incessant writhing. Do you recall Saint Dominque?" Angelica: "La Martinique. I tried to kill you in Saint Dominique."  Oh, that's a bit awkward.


When they have finally sailed to the fountain of youth together, both Angelica and her kind father Blackbeard are killed.  As they both lay dying on the ground, Jack rushes over with the chalices that contains either their life of their death.  Jack tricks Angelica into drinking the one that will save her life, at the expense of her fathers.  Angelica: "I hate you."  Jack: "The bloke who saved your life."  Angelica: "The years I posses are stolen from my father!"  Jack: "I helped Blackbeard do what any father should have done."  Angelica: "You're cruel and ignorant."  Now that he's saved his dear damsel and killed her father, Jack strands her on an island a lone.  Even after she tries to shoot him, hit him, tell him that she loves him, and tell him that she's pregnant with his child. (This is sort of ironic because Penelope Cruz, who played Angelica, was actually pregnant while filming the movie.) He leaves her again anyways.  Angelica: "Wait. There's something I want to say to you. Something I wanted to say from the moment we first met."  Jack: "Go on then."  Angelica: "I love you."  Jack: "As do I.  Always have, always will"  They almost kiss, then, "I gotta go."  How touching.