"First To The Finish Then?"

In Shipwreck Cove, Elizabeth, the newly elected king of the Brethren Court, and Jack talk the nine pirate lords into declaring war against the East India Trading Company and the Flying Dutchman.  All the pirates take their places on the ship and prepare for battle.  However, things don't really go as planned when the Royal Navy ships begin to appear in the horizon.  At first it seems as though there is only one ship and the Brethren Court is sure to win, however, the ships keep multiplying until they fill the horizon, clearly out numbering the Brethren's forces.  And it being his idea to fight, every member of every crew angrily looks at Captain Jack.  

Jack: "Parley?"  Desperately, King Elizabeth takes Barbossa and Jack to a little meeting on shore to discuss their plans.  They also meet Davy Jones, Lord Beckett, and Will Turner, who lead the Navy to the Cove.  You can tell by the intense rock music playing as the two parties meet that this is not just any parley.  Barbossa, upon seeing Will with Beckett quickly blames him: "You be the cur that led these wolves to our door."  

Beckett: "Don't blame Turner.  He was merely the tool of your betrayal.  If you wish to see its grand architect, look to your left."  Barbossa looks to Elizabeth; Elizabeth looks to Jack; Jack looks to the sand.  I wonder who it could be.  Jack: "My hands are clean in this. Figuratively."  Will: "My actions were my own and to my own purpose.  Jack had nothing to do with it."  Jack likes this idea: "Well spoke.  Listen to the tool."  Then of course, Elizabeth being king now thinks what she says matters.  Elizabeth: "Will, I've been aboard the Dutchman.  I understand the burden you bear, but I fear that cause is lost."  She wants him to give up trying to save his father so he can go live happily ever after with her.  WELL TOO BAD!  Will: "No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it."  Jack finds this amusing.  Beckett: "If Turner wasn't acting on your behalf, then how did he come to give me this?"  That awkward moment when Beckett pulls out Jack's compass.  

Technically, that's all Becket and Will agreed on back in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest but I don't think Beckett's going to be letting anyone go any time soon.  Barbossa gives Jack a pretty hurtful look.  Beckett: "You made a deal with me, Jack, to deliver the pirates.  And here they are.  Don't be bashful.  Step up.  Claim your reward."  And all the secrets are revealed.  Jones: "Your debt to me is still to be satifisfied.  One hundred years in servitude aboard the Dutchman.  As a start."  As fun as the sounds, Jack isn't all that thrilled about this idea.  Jack: "That debt was paid, mate.  With some help [motions to Elizabeth]."  Everyone is a betrayer.  Jones doesn't buy this: "You escaped."  Jack: "Technically. . ."  

Elizabeth: "I propose an exchange."  Jack seems relieved, thinking Elizabeth is about to save his butt.  Elizabeth: "Will leaves with us . . . and you can take Jack."  Everyone on Beckett's side is satisfied with this idea, but Jack and Barbossa on the other hand aren't as excited.  Barbossa wants too keep Jack to release Calypso and Jack is just scared of Davy Jones.  Will: "Done."  It's not really you're place to make the agreement, but good to know we have your support, Will.  Jack: "Undone!"  Beckett: "Done."  Barbossa: "Jack's one of the nine pirate lords.  You have no right."   Elizabeth: "King."  Well that plan backfired.  Elizabeth likes power.  Jack bows mockingly to her: "As you command, your nibs."    Barbossa takes out his sword and cuts off Jack's piece of eight to free Calypso.  "Blackguard!" We have no idea why Barbossa screams this.  What does it mean?  Barbossa: "If ye have something to say, I might be saying something as well."  Barbossa reveals that he still plans on releasing the sea goddess from her human bonds.  Jack: "First to the finish, then?"  

Jack and Will trade places.  Let the games begin.  Davy Jones still looks at Jack like he's a meal.  Jones: "Do you fear death?"  Jack: "You've no idea."  Beckett realizes that the Brethren still plan to fight.  Beckett: "Advise your Brethren, you can fight, and all of you will die.  Of you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die."  That sounds really tempting.  Elizabeth: "You murdered my father."  Thank you for sharing that random fact with us.  Beckett: "He chose his own fate."  Elizabeth: "And you have chosen yours.  We will fight. And you will die."  Lovely. Beckett: "So be it."  Elizabeth, Barbossa, and Will slowly start to walk away back to the Brethren.  Will: "King?"  Elizabeth: "Of the Brethren Court.  Courtesy of Jack."  The irony of piracy.  Will: "Maybe he really does know what he's doing."  It's taken you this long to figure it out?

"This Ship Is Haunted"

After escaping from jail and stealing the letters of marque from Lord Beckett, Elizabeth commits another act of piracy as she becomes a stowaway on a ship leaving the port.  Lucky for her, this unusual crew isn't really the smartest gang.  She finds some of the workers clothes and disguises herself as part of the crew.  But the other men on the ship become very confused when they find her dress just laying around.  A great panic breaks out on the boat as no one can figure out what to do with this myserious dress.  The captain hears the arguing and comes to break it up.  Captain: "What's all this?  If you both fancy the dress, you'll just have to share and wear it one after the other."  

This lightens the mood of the crew a bit.  Crew member: "It's not like that, sir. (Really?)  This ship is haunted."  Captain: "Is it now?  And you?" Other crew mate: "There's a female presence amoungst us here, sir.  All the men, they can feel it."  Yes, I'm so sorry Elizabeth had to climb on board your ship.  This is rather unfortunate.  A different member: "It's the ghost of a lady widowed before her marriage.  I figure it, searching for her husband, lost at sea."  You can tell all this from a dress?  Really, you're not that far off.  She is trying to find her fiance, Will, somewhere at sea.  Other member: "A virgin too, likely as not.  And that bodes ill by all accounts."  Elizabeth usually does.  

Other member: "I say that we throw the dress overboard and we hope the spirit follows it."  Other member: "No!  That will just anger the spirit sir.  What we need to do is find out what the spirit needs, and then give it back to her."  Elizabeth, who is hiding in the crowd listening to their gambling, just laughs at their stupidity.  The captain however, knows better.  Captain: "Enough! Enough!  You're a pair of superstitious goats, and it's got the best of you.  Now, this appears to be no more as we have a stowaway on baord.  A young woman by the look of it.  I want you to search the ship and find her.  Oh, and uh, She's probably naked."  A dress or nothing, ya know what I mean?  Well this idea excites the whole crew and they all start rushing around the deck to find her.

However, they never end up sailing with Elizabeth but continue to run into problems.  The don't know where to make port and the only free port they can think of is the infamous Tortuga.  But the captain believes that Tortuga is nothing but a pirate port and refuses to go anywhere near it.   Elizabeth has different plans though, and of course she always has to get her way.  She creates a puppet with her dress and stands on the mast to manuver her trick around.  The crew, seeing the floating dress, act quickly to find the spirit.  Crew member: "She wants you to do something."  Captain: "She's trying to give a sign."  I thought you don't believe in ghosts.  Elizabeth makes the dress move around the ship more, knocking over a lamp which begins to burn oil on the wood.  The crew pays no attention to it.  Instead, they look out into the ocean.  Crew member: "Over there!  Look for a sign!"  

Elizabeth is exasperated that these idiots can't figure out her trick.  Member: "Look there!  There it is! There's the sign!"  Other member: "That's seaweed."  First member: "Seaweed can be a sign." Other member: "It looks like entrails."  Different member: "That would be a bad sign."  ELizabeth gets impatient and comes down onto the deck.  Elizabeth: "Whats that over there?"  She points to where the fire is lit.  The crew anxiously runs over to the fire, where a great suprise awaits them. Nice work Elizabeth.

"To Jack Sparrow"

Weary, dirty, and depressed, Will, Elizabeth, Gibbs, and the rest of the crew make their way back to Tia Delma's hut in the final scene of The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.  Except there's one really important thing missing from this crew: Captain Jack Sparrow and his beloved ship The Black Pearl.  Poor Jack, taken by the kraken to Davy Jones' Locker (thanks to a certain someone, but we don't need to point names and name fingers).  Poor crew, they're nothing without their good old crazy captain.  In Tia Delma's magical shack they commerate they loss. 
Tia Delma: "Against the cold and the sorrow.  It's a shame.  I know you're thinking that with the Pearl. you could have captured the devil and set free your father's soul."  Will: "Doesn't matter now.  The Pearl is gone, along with its captain."  Will continues to toss his knife into the wood table.  I don't think that is proper table manners when you're staying in someone's house as they serve you nice beverages.  Gibbs, being probably the closest and longest friend of the fallen captain, begans a nice speech in honor of Captain Sparrow.  What a great first mate.  Gibbs: "Aye.  And already the world seems a bit less bright.  He fooled us all right till the end, but I guess that honest streak finally won out.  To Jack Sparrow!"
Ragetti: "Never another like Captain Jack."  You would know, you helped commit mutiny on him and stranded him on an island with nothing but a gun to shoot himself.  Pintel: "He was a gentleman of fortune he was."  Except for when you kicked him off his own ship that costed him his soul to get in the first place (which is why everyone is even in the mess).  Elizabeth: "He was a good man." Stop bringing up your little inside jokes.  Will has nothing to say, because he's still pondering the kiss between Elizabeth and Jack.  So he just takes a nice drink.  Now what are they to do?  They've got no ship to return to their previous lives.  Not to mention if they wanted to the Royal Navy probably has a warrant for each one of their arrests.  They have no idea where the heart of Davy Jones' is.  And they've got no drunk captain to set them on an adventure.  It seems as though Davy Jones as won, and there's no hope left.  Will doesn't even seem happy that Elizabeth is safe, and that's saying something.  
Will then looks over at Elizabeth, who is trying to sip her drink but seems more like she's about to throw up.  Will, being the good old fiance he is, tries to cheer her up: "If there was anything could be done to bring him back , Elizabeth. . ."  Tia Delma: "Would you do it? Hmm? What would you, hmm?  What would anay of you be willing to do, hmm?  Would you sail to the ends of the Earth and beyond to fetch back witty Jack and him precious Pearl?"  Ohhh, I hear a plot forming!  Of course, good old Gibbs is the first to speak up :"Aye."  Pintel: "Aye."  Ragetti: "Aye."  Cotton's parrot: "Aye."  Even the parrot agrees, that's one committed crew.  
Then there's Elizabeth, who through her tears still thinks she's too cool to talk pirate, says, "Yes."  Will: "Aye."  Tia Delma: "All right.  But if you go and brave the weird and haunted shores at world's end then you will need a captain who knows those waters."  And the plot thickens.  Step, step, step.  Whose boots are those making giant thuds as he descends done the stair case?  It's Captain Jack Sparrow, back from the dead already.  APRIL FOOLS!  Acutally, it's none other than HECTOR BARBOSSA!  Barbossa: "So tell me, what's become of my ship?"  The down side is that with this new captain, comes the dumb monkey, Jack.  Then Barbossa bites into his nice juicy apple.

"Where Is The Sense?"

In Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stanger Tides we get to meet some new characters that are a bit different from the usual. Can you guess what's different about them? If you said they're not Btitish than you were correct. In fact they are Spanish. While sailing to the Fountain of Youth, Barbossa and his crew run into some Spanish ships captained by a man we know as, "The Spaniard!" But they don't start shooting at each other like we all hoped, instead they just keep sailing to the Fountain. However they make up for they're lack of violence later in the movie when Blackbeard and his crew, Barbossa and his crew, and of course Jack Sparrow the one and only meet at the Fountain of Youth. 
Of course Barbossa is not so happy about how Blackbeard made him lose his leg so his crew and Blackbeard's crew are about to kill echother but Jack has an idea.(and we all know how good those are) Jack: "Whoa whoa, Hang on a minute. I just. . . Ijust need to understand something. Right so you will fight against them[ indicating Barbossa's crew] they will fight against you. [indicates Blacknbeard's crew]  All on the account of him[ indicates Barbossa] wanting to kill him? [indicates Blackbeard] Where is the sense? Exactly.  I say, let them fight each other while we lay back, watch, have a drink, place some wagers! Eh?" It looks as if everyone has been convinced but then Barbossa ruins it and tells his crew to attack which of course they do. 

Jack, himself finds himself in a stand off with Angelica and Scrum as they all fight for the chalices and the tear.  (Speaking of which, Philip Swift gets stabbed but runs away to his love.) Angelica: "Scrum, the chalacies and the tear!  Follow!" But while Scrum is trying to reach Angelica at the magical waters, Jack intercepts it.  Jack: "Hand it over.  The tear.  There's a good lad."  Scrum: "I"m more afraid of her than I am of you."  Ouch.  Jack, of course, gets his way with the tear by kicking Scrum's butt in a sword fight.  But then he has to deal with Angelica.  Angelica: "Hand it over.  There's a good lad."  Scrum decides that this is a good time to also join in again.  Jack: "The chalices, if you please."  Angelica: "Sorry Jack.  I told you, I need years.  
And now, yours will do."  Jack, who isn't quite fond of the idea of selling his life over to an evil dude with an abnormally large black beard.  So he uses his sword to gain control of the chalices, but looses the tear.  Oops.  Then he gets the tear again, excepet he looses the chalices.  It's like rock paper scissors!  You change your move because you think they will stay the same, but they change too!  The chalices are then knocked away from all of them onto the grass.  
But while everyone is killing eachother, the sneaky Spaniards sneak in, lead dy "the Spaniard". Letting a whole other army surround you while you ignorantly duel is probably not Blackbeard and Barbossa's smartest move.  In desparation, a British soldier holds up the flag and proclaims, "This land is hereby forever claimed in the glorious name of His Majesty King George."  Then he gets shot by the super hot Spaniard, "Someone make note of that man's bravery."  Jack, who got the chalices, quickly gives them to Angelica.  The Spaniard goes to Angelica. Spaniard: "Senorita, the chalices, por favor." When she doesn't hand them over the spaniard orders his men to take them from her. The Spaniard: "Only God can grant eternal life, not this pagan water." He then drops the chalices and stomps on them.  (Those are some strong boots).  
Spaniard to Blackbeard: "You are a fool.  You seek in this place what only faith can provide."  You tell him!  Too bad Philip already left, they could have some nice conversations. While Blackbeard is distracted Barbossa stabs him. But everybody is either destoying the temple or retreating with Barbossa to the Queen Anne's Revenge.  And there goes the Fountain of Youth.  It's not like it was that important or anything.  As if they all spent weeks sailing there for it. . .

"A Full Pardon"

Beckett: "The East India Trading Company has need of your services...We wish for you to act as our agent in a business transaction with our mutual friend Captain Sparrow." Will: "More acquaintance than friend. How do you know him?" Beckett: "We've had dealings in the past. And we've each left out mark on each other."  Will: "What mark did he leave on you?" Apparently Beckett has better things to do then answer this question. Beckett: "...By your efforts, Jack Sparrow was set free. I would like you to go to him and recover a certain property in his possession." Will: "Recover. At the point of a sword?" Beckett: "Bargain. [opens his wooden box with the East India Trading Company insignia and removes a leather case and takes out a few sheaves of paper] Letters of Marque. You will offer what amounts to a full pardon - Jack will be free, a privateer in the employ of England." 

Will: "Somehow I doubt Jack will consider employment the same as being free."Beckett: "[scoffs softly] Freedom. [puts the papers away and walks out onto the balcony; Will follows] Jack Sparrow is a dying breed. The world is shrinking. The blank edges of the map filled in. Jack must find his place in the New World or perish. Not unlike you, Mr. Turner. You and your fiancée face the hangman's noose."
 Will: "So you get both Jack and the Black Pearl." Beckett: "The Black Pearl?" Will: "The property you want that he possesses. Beckett: "A ship? Hardly. The item in question is considerably smaller and far more valuable. Something Sparrow keeps on his person at all times: a compass? [Will shows recognition on his face] Ah, you know it. Bring back that compass, or there's no deal. [Beckett walks away] "

If you didn't understand any of that I'll just summarize it in English. Beckett wants Will to go find Jack Sparrow's compass. Will thinks that Beckett means to kill Jack but really he wants Will to trade some documents (Letters of Marque) that will free Jack of his earlier crimes. 
The reason Beckett wants the compass is because he knows that it points to what you want most. H e thinks that it will point to the heart of Davy Jones which would give the leverage to command Jones. This would be very helpful in the "War Against Piracy" that Beckett is planning. Elizabeth , of course, ruins this whole plan by sneaking out of jail and into Beckeett's office in the middle of the night.  She steals these letters and forces Beckett to sign them.  
Elizabeth: "These letters of marque, they are signed by the king."  Beckett: "Yes, they're not valid until they bear my signature and my seal."  Elizabeth: "Or else I would not still be here."  As usual, she points her pistol at him and makes him sign the pardons before running away with them into the Caribbean.  Once on board the Black Pearl, Jack finds these letters and realizes what the Royal Navy wants him for.  Amused, he takes the letters from Elizabeth.  Elizabeth does a bitter more flirting with him before just letting him take them.    

However, "complications arose," and instead of Will bringing the compass to Beckett, James Norrington comes with the heart and the Letters of Marque, saving Beckett a lot time and work.  You see, while Jack and the others where running around the Isla de Cruces, Norrington stole the heart and the letters from him.  He told the others to leave without him, making the others think he was going to be captured.  Norrington had better plans and returned to Beckett with the letters of marque, his named filled hin them, granting himself the pardon and renewing his former glory.  Beckett: "If you wish to claim these you must have something to trade. Do you have the compass?" Norrington: "Better. The heart of Davy Jones." As reward Beckett makes Norrington an Admiral and gives him his old sword, the one Will Turner made.

"But You Have Heard of Me"

You know I'm beggining to think that Jack is not being treated the way he deserves. He save Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Jack saves the life of Elizabeth Swann by ripping of her corset. Let us see how he is repaid, shall we? Mullroy: "Never would've thought of that." Jack : "Clearly you've never been to Singapore. [sees medallion, to Elizabeth ] Where did you get that?" Norrington: "[to Jack , pointing his sword at him] On your feet." Governor Swann : "[helps Elizabeth up] Elizabeth . Are you alright?" Elizabeth : "Yes, I'm fine." Governor Swann : "[sees Murtogg holding Elizabeth's corset; Murtogg points at Jack ; Swann looks over at Jack ] Shoot him!" Elizabeth : "Father! Commodore, do you really intend to kill my rescuer?"
Norrington: "I believe thanks are in order. [offers his hand to shake; reveals P for pirate] Had a brush with the East India Trading company, did we, pirate?" Governor Swann : "Hang him." Norrington: "Keep your guns on him, men. Gillette , fetch some irons. [sees tattoo of a sparrow in flight] Well, well. Jack Sparrow, isn't it?"Jack: "Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir."Norrington: "Well, I don't see your ship, Captain." Jack: "I'm in the market, as it were." Norrington: "[Looking through Jack's things] No additional shot nor powder. A compass that doesn’t point North.[Then taking Jacks sword and looking at it]And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of." And of course Jack comes up with a great come back. Jack: "But you have heard of me." 

Did you see that? They just arrested the man who had just rescued the Governor's daughter! Outrageuos! In fact, I think it was very good that Jack escaped because really what did he do wrong? Rescue the most important lady on Port Royal? Have a tattoo of the letter P? These things are certainly not evil. And you'd think that that was the worsed part, but no. They have to insult him as well, calling him names and teasing him about how his compass doesn't point North. Well who cares about North, the compass points to what you want most! I think that's a bit cooler then their compasses. He also talks about how pitiful it is that Jack only has one shot, but actually Jack has his reasons for not getting additional bullets. 

Not only does Norrington make fun of his compass, he also teases Jack about how he's not a captain because they don't see his ship.If only Jack hadn't been so modest, and told them about the Black Pearl they wouldn't have been such meanies.  Of course, Jack always finds a way out of sticky situations like these, with the help of his dear friends Elizabeth and Will.  It takes a pretty good pirate to top that!

"I Will Not Be Doing It Again"

Blackbeard leads his crew off to White Cap Bay in search of a live mermaid in order to get a tear, required for the pro fain ritual of the Fountain of Youth.  Angelica explains that they picked just the right time to travel through the risky island, "The old moon in the arms of the new one.  First of the summer. Perfect for hunting a mermaid's tear."  However, mermaids aren't just swimming around, waiting to be captured and harvested for tears.  So the crew has to set up a pretty elaborate and dangerous plan in hopes of capturing one of the hundreds that could be roaming the waters.

Step 1)

Mermaids are drawn to man made light.  So Jack, Blackbeard, and Angelica travel to the light house to ignite the fire.  There is a big container of whale oil stored above the fire.  The oil slowly comes down into a bowl and is lit on fire.  Blackbeard: "Can you make it work?"  Crewman: "Made by the English. . . Let's not get our hopes up."  There is a large lens that is used to project the fire's light across the bay and point it to the bait, which brings us to our next step.

Step 2) 

The man made light is directed onto a small rowboat, filled with the usual suspects: Scrum, Philip Swift, a zombie quartermaster, and some other terrified crew mates.  All they can do is sit helplessly in their little dingy, wait for the mermaids to come and eat them, and hope that some how the crew will be able to bring down the mermaids before too many people die.  "There'll be mermaids upon us within the hour, you mark my words.  And we're the bait. . . they snatch a sailor of a boat or off the deck of a ship, have their way, and then the sailors are pulled to the bottom and drowned and eaten."  This couldn't get any better could it?

Step 3)

Mermaids are attracted to singing, so to make sure that they appear, the quartermaster commands Scrum to sing.  Not sure which he fears more, the zombie quartermaster or the wicked mermaids, he timidly begins to sing.  "My heart is pierced by Cupid; I disdain all glittering gold. There is nothing can console me But my jolly sailor bold. Come all ye pretty fair maids Whoever ye may be Who love a jolly sailor bold That plows the raging sea."  At first it seems as though nothing is going to happened, but then a mermaid slowly swims up to their boat and rests her head on the side.  She sings the song with them, and Scrum falls instantly into her love trap, despite his friend's warning.  They are about to kiss when she tries to attack.  The others are too quick and strike at her first.  And then all out war breaks loose.

Step 4) 

The rest of the crew is either in other rowboats, fighting the vicious sea creatures or on the shore with nets to capture them.  Those in the boats are trying to attack the mermaids (who were there because they were attracted to the light and singing) and drive them to the shore.  Blackbeard commands his ship with his super cool sword so that fire is blasted towards the mermaids.  They're smart creatures though and they fight back powerfully, using seaweed to drag sailors into the depths of the sea with them.  Jack, realizing how dangerous the situation has become, calls out, "Retreat, I say!"  But sadly, Jack's not captain, Blackbeard is, and he has other plans, "Cowards!  Back in the water!  There be no refuge on land!  Mark my word!"  He begins to shoot towards anyone trying to escape.

Step 5)

Jack, of course, saves the day with some ingenious yet ridiculous plan.  He climbs up back to the light house, narrowly escaping being taken by mermaids.  Once on top, the bangs on the container holding all the highly flammable oil until it creaks.  He then jumps out of the tower in just enough time too keep himself from being toasted.  As he plummets down towards the water, the light house explodes, sending everything in the bay into chaos and forcing the mermaids to finally retreat.  But the crew manages to capture one mermaid, Syrena, thanks to Philip Swift.  Jack climbs out of the water, exhausted.  "Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again."  Success!  All thanks to Jack, as usual.