Friday, February 3, 2012

"I Wish To Report A Mutiny"

In The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Jack is hoaxed into being a crew member on board the Queen Anne's Revenge by his infamous ex-whatever, Angelica.  He is forced to sleep in the crew's bunks and be a deckhand, not really Jack's thing, is it?  Especially with the bizarre zombie masters.  As it turns out, he's not the only one who has been fooled.  In fact, all the other crew members agreed to join the ship because they thought Angelica was Jack.  It must be really disappointing when you think you will be sailing under the great Captain Jack Sparrow but you just end up with Angelica and her evil father, Blackbeard.  So, in the dead of the night, Jack hosts a little crew meeting.  Jack: "The topic, mutiny. Mutiny most foul." Salaman: "Aye. I signed up to sail under Jack Sparrow, not some pretender." Ezekiel: "And a lady at that."  Cook: "And mention was failed to made of this uncanny crew."
Jack then asks them if they have ever actually seen Blackbeard.  Everyone admits that the captain has never left his cabin and they only see the first mate, Angelica.  They only believe that it's Blackbeard because of the name of the ship.  From this, Jack concludes that this is not actually Blackbeard's ship, and they have just fallen into another trick.  Jack: "Gentlemen...sirs...fellow have been monstrously deceived."

Of course this theory doesn't actually hold up too well when they decide to commit mutiny.  But first, Jack must sneak in and inform Angelica of their plans.  Jack: "I thought I should give you fair warning: we're taking the ship." Angelica: "Desgraciado!" (Which means unfortunate...?) Jack: "Nothing personal!" Angelica: "Sparrow! Ven aquí o te arranco la cabeza!" (Which means come here or I'll tear your head.)  Jack: "You might be better off if you just..." She then jabs her sword through the door at him. "Stay out of it," he finishes.  
So the whole ship breaks into all out war.  And it really does seem as though the crew is actually going to do it.  Jack gets up and announces, "The ship is ours!" Except things don't go exactly the way they planned, because as it turns out, Blackbeard really was on the ship.  

And because Blackbeard is all powerful with his fancy sword that controls ships, he ropes all the crew members up.  Blackbeard: "Gentlemen...I be placed in a bewilderment. There I were, resting. And upon a sudden, I hear an ungodly row on deck. Sailors abandoned their posts, without orders, without leave. Men before the mast, and taking the ship for themselves. What be that, First Mate?" Angelica: "Mutiny, Captain."  And then dear Jack flies over, all tied up and hanging upside down.  Jack: "Captain, I wish to report a mutiny.  I can name fingers and point names." Smooth.  Blackbeard: "No need, Mr. Sparrow.  They are sheep.  You, their shepherd."  Good one.

Blackbeard then decides to punish them by throwing a crew member into a rowboat in the middle of the ocean.  And if that wasn't cruel enough, he blasts the man with fire.  Harsh.  "If I don't kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am." Well, with a beard like that it would be kinda hard not to.  But nonetheless, it's somewhat of an epic failure for the crew.  But not to Jack because he then gets a meeting with the captain.  So it's all good in the end, right?  

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