Thursday, January 31, 2013

"This is Jack Sparrow's doing!"

Guys, I was feeling very ambitious and motivated and felt that I needed to write another post today.  We returning to the first (and at least in my case, favorite) movie: The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.  I thought we should focus on the couple that never actually happened: Elizabeth Swanna and James Norrington.  Norrington finds and saves Elizabeth from a desserted island that Barbossa left her on.  Elizabeth: "But we've got to save Will!"  Governor: "No.  You're safe now.  We will return to Port Royal immediately, not gallivanting after pirates."  Elizabeth: "Then we condemn him to death."  Governor: "The boy's fate is regrettable, but so is his decision to engage in piracy."  Elizabeth: "To rescue me!  To prevent anything from happening ot me!"  Jack: "If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion.  The Pearl was listing after the battle.  It's unlikely she'll be able make good time.  Think about it.  The Black Pearl, the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate.  How can you pass that up, eh?"
Ohhh, appealing to his sense of pride and hatred towards the pirates who captured his dear Elizabeth to begin with.  James: "By remembering that I serve others, not only myself."  Well, Elizabeth seems to be begging you to take him, so I guess he would be serving her to take her to the Pearl.  Elizabeth: "Commondore, I beg you, please do this.  For me.  As a wedding gift."  That was a plot twist. She's marrying one man who she doesn't like to get him to save another man who she does like.  She is abusing James' love to her and using it for her own selfish wants.  This shocks even Weatherby Swann: "Elizabeth?  Are you accepting the commodore's proposal?"  Elizabeth then tries to make herself look all innocent and in love, when we all know it's a lie.  Elizabeth: "I am."  Jack: "A wedding.  I love weddings!  Drinks all around!"  As you can imagine, everyone gives him an annoyed look, while we are all laughing.  Jack gets the message and holds up his bound hands.  Jack: "I know.  'Clap him in irons' right?"  James: "Mr. Sparrow, (captain!) you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with a bearing to Isla de Muerta.  You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all meanings of the phrse 'silent as the grave'.  Do I amke myself clear?"  Oh James, always so kind and chariming.  Jack: "Inescapably clear."  Murtog and Mulroy then grab him sharply and shove him along immediately.   
James reminds me of a poor little girl who gets used by some jerkish older guy, who is Elizabeth.  He gives her want he wants just so that she loves him, even though he knows this love is fake.  Pretty darn sad.  Come on James, grow a back bone!  Stand up for yourself!  I'm not saying that he should have just left Will to die in the hands of Barbossa at the Isla de Muerta, but he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up with Elizabeth, becuase in the end she just let him down.  But he does anyway. The sail to the Isla de Muerta and make it just in the nick of time, because like Jack said, the Bearl was still recovering from its battle against the HMS Interceptor.  Norrington, Jack, and his men sail out for a better look at the place in the long boats.  Norrington: "I don't care for the situation.  Any attempt to storm the caves could turn into an ambush."  
Jack: "Not if you're the one doing the ambusing.  I go in and convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats, you and your mates return to the Dauntless and blast them with your little cannons.  What do you have to lose?"  James: "Nothing I'd lament being rid of."  Meaning, he'd gladly sacrafice Jack in tricking the pirates to come out.  Jack: "To be quite honest with you, there's still a risk to those aboard the Dauntless, which include the future Mrs. Commodore."  This makes James think, and in the end agrees to it.  Two soldiers push and pull Elizabeth to the Captain's cabin to keep her safe.  Groves: "Sorry, but it's for your own safety."  Elizabeth: "The commore, there's something I have to tell him!  The pirates, they're cursed!  They can't be killed!"  It's funny because it's true, and Jack probably made it a point not to revealt his.  Groves shoves her in anyway.  Groves: "Don't worry, miss.  He's informed of that.  A mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story."  It's funny becaue Groves eventually does witness mermaids, with Barbossa.  Elizabeth figures it out.  Elizabeth: "THIS IS JACK SPARROW'S DOING!"  Jack's just that good, what can you say?

"I'll be hideous"

Now I know at one point we discussed Princess Amenirdis and her long perilous journey from her kingdon, Kerma, to the old Kerma, just south of the third cataract.  As periously stated, when she and her group arrived there, they foun abolutely nothing.  It was completely in ruins.  Things only get worse from there for her.  You see, this was during the time when the slave trade was at its peak, and a pretty young girl usually sold for a lot, not to mention the pretty young girl was travelling with others who could be taken.  Kerma, isolated and hidden away on an island, was completely secluded from the rest of the gorwing world, so they were a bit behind in technology, and missing some useful things: such as guns.  So when they are surrounded by men who can shoot them instantly from a distance, they have no choice but to hide as best they can to buy them time.  The princess hides in the rocks with her body guard, Tarek, and the high priest, Piye.  They have to finds a way to make her less noticable around the slave hunters.  Being a princess, Amenirdis has very magical powers, especially when it comes to weaving.  Piye helps her weave together an illusion, making her an ugly old hag.  Tarek: "Give her a squint.  Thin, lank graying hair.  Protruding, snagggled teeth.  Some strategically placed warts . . . hairy ones. Wrinkled, blotchy skin.  A bit of a hunch to her back, so she can't stand straight.  Make her shorter, so everyone will look down on her.  Make her thin up top, and fat beloow."  
Wow, it's like he had it all planned out, as if he were waiting for the moment to turn her into a hidious old woman.  My favorite part of that was the 'strategically placed warts'.  Ha, who had ever heard of such a thing.  They cast this spell on her shawl, so that when she wears it, she becomes this awful image that Tarek invisioned, but without it she can still be her beautiful self.  This takes a lot of her energy out of her so she just passes out for the rest of the day, but when she awakens, she is seized by the slave hunters.  Nice timing.  To go with this new look, she took on a new name, to keep away any recognition that she was an African princess.  They are marched back from Egypt to Calabar, a port on the West Coast of the continent, many died along the way.  Unfortunately, the ones who remained were sent on the infamous mid-Atlantic passage, cross the Atlantic to the New World where they would be sold onto plantaitons.  Conviniently, Ayisha, Piye, and Tarek were the only slaves of that group not to fall in either of those categories. Tarek and Aysiha were sold to the Dalton's plantation outside Calabar.  She worked inside weaving cloth, her specialty, as Tarek (a big strong man) worked in the fields.
Where Piye was sold, Ayisha didn't know yet, so she quickly learned English as best she could to pick up any conversations in search of his whereabouts.  As I said, she has quite the skill when it comes to weaving and making cloth, which she became well knwon for in Calabar.  Women around would ask her to make things for them.  While Mrs. Dalton got most of the money, Ayisha was able to collect coins for her services.  She kept completely secret the fact that she was learning English becuase it was her means to escaping slavery.  She planned to keep enough of her money together and then one day finally run away on a ship with Piye and Tarek using her money and English to get them away.  However, little did she know that a certain pirate was about to do it for free.  I wonder who that could be?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

"Perhaps his usefulness has run its course."

I thought it would be nice to stick with the theme of short, evil, British merchants, which means this will be another post about Cutler Beckett.  This time, he is a Lord, seeking more power and wealth in the company, like we previously described in our last post.  So he has the heart of Davy Jones, which to him means taht he controls the seas.  Now, considering the oceans make up like 3/4 of the earth, I guess you could say he almost has control of the whole world.  Except, Davy Jones' hasn't quite gotten used to taking orders yet.  Beckett finds this out when he comes upon a ship, completely destroyed and set on fire.
  Beckett: "Bloody hell.  There's nothing left."  Mercer: "Jones is a loose cannon, sir."  Beckett: "Fetch the chest."  Beckett has such a cold voice, it feels like everything he says is a cool death threat.  Mercer: "And the governor?"  Mercer is concerned about Elizabeth's father, Governor Weatherby Swann.  Not concerned like worried about him, but concerned as him he may ask too many questions and ruin the plan.  Mercer: 'He's been asking questions about the heart."  Beckett: "Does he know?"  Know that you plan to use it to end piracy once and for all?  It's rather funny that the pirate Beckett hates the most (Christophe) was killed by Jack Sparrow, who he also hates.  I wonder if Jack and Beckett know that they even have this mutual enemy.  Probably could have saved some conflict.  Mercer gives him some look that doesn't really communicate anything to me, but I guess Beckett got the message.  Beckett: 'Then perhaps his usefulness has run its course."  Key dramatic and menacing organ music.  Next thing you see is Governor Swann in a long boat next to Mercer (with his black gloves) and a bunch of other men.  There is debris on fire all around them, a little gift from Jones.  
The Governor has cloth above his mouth to stop from breathing in the smoke.  It makes me very sad to think about what they are going to do to him.  Then we find that its actually Davy Jones demonstrating hims musical abilities, as he is playing the organ with is tentacles, which is both gross and cool.  There is also music coming from the little heart music box that he and Calypso both have.  He holds it up and stares into it sadly, clearly yearning for the romance he and the sea goddess used to have.  The music stops and he actually sheds a tear!  He captures this with his tentacle and stares at it.  Suddenly he is reminded that his heart broken, lonely, and rejected, which of course makes him really mad at the woman who did it to him: Calypso.  He just shakes violently in anger, kinda creepy.  His little pity session is interrupted.  Beckett has ordered all his men onto the Flying Dutchman, including the always loved, James Norrington and the two idiots Murttog and Mullroy.  Norrington: "Steady men."  Davy Jones doesn't really like such a distraction on his ship.  Some men then bring out the chest with the heart in it.  Jones: "Go.  All of you.  And take that infernal thing with you.  I will not have it on my ship!" 
  That's weird because the infernal thing is your heart, which used to be in your chest, but now you don't even want it on your boat.  Quite strange.  Beckett then makes his appearance.  Beckett: 'Oh, I"m sorry to hear that . . . because I will.  Because it seems to be the only way to ensure that this ship do as directed by the company.  We need prisoners to interrogate, which tends to work best when they're alive."  Governor Swann comes out next.  Jones: "The Dutchman sails as its captain commands." Beckett:  "And its captain is to sail as commanded.  I would have thought you'd learned that when I ordered you to kill your pet.  This is no longer your world, Jones.  The immaterial has become . . . immaterial,"  Please oh please oh please tell me that one of you my many readers know what this means!  
 Because I honestly can't figure it out.  This and the "Currency is the currency of the realm" makes no sense!  Oi.  So they set up the heart in Jones' organ room surrounded by armed soldiers.  Beckett just thought he'd rub it in, typical Beckett.  He's some what of a bully.  I wonder if he knows that Jones also helped convict Christophe of rouge piracy.  It's a small word, eh?

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

"I am exterminating pirates"

If you're anything like me, you'll have a burning hatred towards Cutler Beckett's hatred towards pirates.  Now, its easy for us to judge him, because we can't possible imagine how any one could hate Captain Jack Sparrow.  Now, I still stay true to my initial feelings towards Beckett, but in the Price of Freedom we kinda start to see where his hatred towads pirates comes from.  In one of our latest posts, we listed Christophe-Julien de Rapier as our least favorite character.  So clearly we can't blame Beckett for sharing in this hate.  Now, Beckett leaves his house of snobs to work for the East India Trading Company at around eighteen.  

He worked at the office in London until he was assigned a tour of duty on board the Lindesfarne.  Things seemed to be working out just swimmingly for him until the ship was captured off the caost of Spain by none other than Captain de Rapier and his crew of rogue pirates.  The pirates took everything valuable on the ship, inlcuindg the people to be helpd for ransonm or sold into slavery.  Beckett gives the captain a bit of sass but Christophe got the last laugh.  
He gave the boy to the crew, who beat him and hit him with the flat of their swords.  They also stripped him and hung him upside-down laughing.  Why would anyone want to scare themselves in that way? They were about to start cutting off his limbs when Beckett went completely numb and din't react, which killed all the fun so they stopped.  Once all this humiliation was over, he reveals his background: a wealthy family who could pay ransom and that he worked for the EITC.  So they pirates sent a ransom notice to his family while he cleaned the bilges.  All the other people held for ransom were eventually released but since Beckett and the other Becketts never got along, his father never sent money for his ransom.  Not going to lie, how pitiful and cruel to leave your own son to be tortured by pirates.  So the EITC chips in.  
Viscount Lord Penwallow (who we address in other posts), sends money for his ransom and Christophe decides that Beckett wouldn't be worth much as a slave anyway and lets him go.  So such a miserable experience I suppose could drive out the goodness in some men.  Beckett clearly was not strong enough to recover from such an ordeal.  He never spoke of it to any one.  Instead of drinking or other immoral practices to block out the memory, Beckett sought wealth to return to power and excape the humiliation.  That's where Beckett's vain and greed comes from.  He worked incredibly hard in the EITC to pay back Lord Penwallow for the money.  He continued to move up in the compayny becoming Director of West African Affairs and even earns the title of "Lord" by the second movie!  If Beckett weren't such an evil twisted person, I guess you could see his rise to power as admirable.  he started out with humble begninnings, rejected by his family, to becoming a Lord!  However, Beckett completely abuses his power and there really is just no excuse.  

Saturday, January 26, 2013

"Do I look like a man in charge?"

The crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge was very diverse, as you can see in the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.  At the very top of the leadership pyramid of the ship is the captain, who of course is Blackbeard.  Although we don't see him on deck giving orders for a while, he is clearly in charge when he wants to be.  His infamous Sword of Triton which pretty much countrols anything on the ship is pretty handy in getting everyone to listen to him because when the crew tries to act out (like committing mutiny), he can use the ropes to hold them down.  Not to mention the deadly greek fire cannons he has on his ship that allows him to fire at his enemies and his crew.  Blackbeard: "If I don't kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am."  
Next in line of power comes his first mate and daughter, Angelica, and Jack Sparrow, who is just as important to the quest as he has valuable information.  Angelica gives most of the orders on deck when Blackbeard is passed out drunk in his cabin.  However, when Blackbeard once something done, Angelica has to agree to it.  Jack also has power since he can manipulate Blackbeard into certain agreements (like the exchange for the chalices), so Jack is definately higher up than any normal crew member.  
Another character who does have some power on deck and isn't treated like part of the crew is Philip Swift.  He was captured in a previous raid but since he's a cleric, Angelica insisted on sparing him.  For a while they just tie him to the mast, instad of making him work in the crew, but then they kinda just let him walk around wherever he wants and fall in love with mermaids.  Now, Angelica is first mate and gives most of the orders, but as she is a woman, she needs some help to impletment her demands.  That's where the zombiefied by the Greek fire so that they could be tougher and more authoritative, and uglier.  
They are rude to all the crew, including Jack (I know, how disrespectful).  Scrum: "He's been zombie-fied; Blackbeard's doing. All the officers are that way, keeps them compliant."  Jack: "And perpetually ill-tempered."  One of the quartermasters could even fortell the future.  Sounds cool, except that zombies their minds are set to carry out Blackbeard's commands.  Finally, at the bottom in command is the Motely Crew, who virtually have no say in anything.  For a while, they didn't even know who their captain was.  Unlike Jack, most of them were not knocked out and forced on board. 
Scrum: "Many a man's woken up at sea, no idea what, when, wherefore or why.  No memory of the night afore whence he signed up and drank away all his bonus money."   So I suppose they all just got drunk and joined the crew without realizing it.  Jak convinces them into thinking that they are not actually on the Queen Anne's Revenge, but if that were the case, how would there be zombie quartermasters?  I don't know.  Some of the members of the motely crew include Gunner, Krum, Salaman, Ezekiel, Garheng, Cook, and of course, Scrum.  Now, porbably at the lowest of the low are their prisoners, which they hardly ever take except for Syrena, the mermiad.  They only keep her alive because they n eed her tear, but once they've got it, Blackbeard leaves her to die, like the super kind-hearted person he is.  The crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge is a bit different than the crew of other ships like the Black Pearl, but we still enjoyed watching them!

Friday, January 25, 2013

"We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs"

Though I love the Pirates of the Caribbean there are some people who I really don't like. You can probably guess a few people on this list right now but there are also a few here that you might be surprised about. Here are a few of my least favorite people.
Weatherby Swann
This guy is one of the first people we ever get to see. He is sailing to the Caribbean from England in order to become the Governor of Port Royal. This is a pretty big deal because Port Royal is the Largest British settlement in the Caribbean. His daughter, Elizabeth, also comes to Port Royal. There she attracts the attention of Captain James Norrington. Weatherby seems to really want Elizabeth and James to get married because the day James proposes and Lizzy doesn't answer immediately he talks to the captain and convinces him she will wants to marry him. Of course as they are talking they are attacked by the Black Pearl, which ends their conversation. Later in the movie Elizabeth accepts the proposal in order to save Will who is at the Isla de Muerta. Once they reach the island Jack convinces them to lock Elizabeth in a cabin so she will stay safe. While there Governor Swann talks to her through the door. He declares a confusing statement that bores even Elizabeth, who climbs out of the Dauntless. At the very end of the movie when Elizabeth and Will proclaim they're love for each other and are having a romantic moment he asks them if that was their decision. No, they just went through all that because they don't want to be together. I mean James, who was in love with her in the first place and had been promised her heart, is okay with it but the Governor is not isn't. Some people, you know!
Sao Feng
Yes, yes I know he's a pirate lord and everything but I just find him unnecessarily intimidating. I mean let's take a look at when we first go into his bathhouse. He convinces Elizabeth to take of her clothes. (That's Jack's thing!!) Let's see, after that he pulls out Will from a well where he'd been drowning him. Not cool. The only reason he decided to fight the East India Trading company is because Will promised to give him JACK'S SHIP. When Feng gets control of the Pearl what does he do??? He punches Jack in the nose. Umm, hello you're the one who is stealing the ship that Jack died for (literally). Of course the EITC comes in and helps convince Feng to fight for the EITC. The EITC helped because they were going to take "Sao Feng's ship".
Ian Mercer
 Ian Mercer was Cutler Beckett's right hand man from the very beginning, We first met him in my personal favorite book: The Price of Freedom. He and Cutler tried to trick Jack into finding the hidden city of Zerzura. Of course Jack being Jack caught on to their scheme and kept the island coordinates to himself. This of course made Beckett and Mercer quite angry and they burned Jack new ship the Wicked Wench fortunately for Jack he has a friend in high places or rather low places, Davy Jones.  Jones saved Jack's life and his ship, which later became the Black Pearl. Mercer continued to work with Beckett as he climbed the ladder at the EITC. Eventually after being a down right jerk to just about everyone he was killed by Jones in a rather disgusting way, but we really don't need to go into the details of that again. 
Christophe-Julien de Rapièr Christophe is a low down dirty rotten scoundrel with good fashion taste. In my opinion anyways. Jack and Christophe were great friends and fellow pirates, Christophe was the older richer and wiser half of the duo, but he didn't get the girl! Jack beat Christophe in the competition for the heart of Esmeralda the daughter of a pirate lord, and quite the catch if you ask me! When Jack and Esmerelda discovered the identity of the rouge pirate they never expected Christophe to be named as one of the accomplices, and Christophe did a good job of convincing Jack he was innocent, and Jack being the sweetheart that he is hatched a plan to free his friend. Unfortunately he was a rouge. And a mean one at that. He press ganged Jack into service on his ship. Christophe also followed Jack on his voyage to Zerzura and tried to steal the stone protecting the city. But Jack stopped him of course, and eventually beat him in a duel which cost Christophe his life. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

"We're going on a bone cage ride."

I thought we should return to the spectacular island of the Pelegostals, aka the canibals.  I know that we have addressed this team several times (which you should all read) but this post is even more!  We're discussing all the technicallities and special effects used during that scene, specifically the hanging bone cages that traps Will and the rest of the crew.  Now, obviously the directors did not actually hang them over a large cliff in a ball made of really human skeletons, because that would be dangerous and gross.  But the cast was hanging in a ball of bones made of styrofoam over a green screen.  Orlando Bloom (Will Turner) seemed pretty exited from inside to see how this whole experience would go.  "It's like a new ride at Disneyland" commented a member of the crew (technical crew, not Jack Sparrow's crew).   
How cool would that be if it actually were a ride???  Gore Verbinski, the director, even admitted, "We're not quite sure what's going to happen."  What encouraging information. He had to say this loudly so the people can hear them from ten feet above, hanging from a crane.  Verbinski actually never told the victims what would happen because he wanted to get the most realistic reactions of horror and shock from them.  Quite the interesting directing skills, but it seemed to work out because the movie was absolutely wonderful!  (As swere the other two Pirates films he directed).  They pulled the cage towards the crane and the actors get ready to swing.  Bloom was especially happy, "We're going on a bone cage ride!"  He said that quite creepily and excitedly.  And then they let the thing go and it falls very quickly.  Their screams in the movie probably weren't so far off because the swinging looks almost like a roller coaster.  
Kevin McNally (Gibbs) looked like he's about to puke but Orlando Bloom still seemed to enjoy it all.  This caused the director to call a reshoot, so they got to do the whole thing all over again!  Oh joy.  Martin Klebba (Marty) even puked during the swing.  So thne they had to do it atleast four more times to get all the shots and the right reactions.  The actors are terified the whole time but the crew just laughs in amusement.  Most of the scenery of all of that island was altered visual effects.  There were some shots that were all generated by the computer.  This really shocked me because while I knew that it couldn't all have been real, I didn't realize that so much of it was created.  They've got quite the tech crew, almost as good as Jack's crew!  There could be more that you didn't know from this scene.  For once thing, do you remember when Will was asking around to other people in the pirating community for news on Jack's location?  
Well one man tells him about the Island of the Pelegostals, where the "long pork" is apperently tasty.  Incase you didn't pick this up, "long pork" was a less disgusting way of saying "human flesh".  Ew.  This was so gross that this movie was actually banned in China for its descriptions of canibalism!  I wonder if the Chinese have seen some of Hollywood's latest horror movies.  If you are more interested in the filming of the Pirates of the Caribbean follow our blog for more to come!  You should also check out and the bonus fealutres on your own copies of the films.  Feel free to share any information here!  We would love to hear it!

Friday, January 18, 2013

"This I cannot wait to see."

It is my greatest pleasure to announce to you that on January 14, 2013 A.D., Disney announced that they will be bringing Johnny Deppback for a fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie, aimied to be repleased on July 10, 2015!  Up untl this point Disney admitted they were working on a plot but there was no official announcement, but now we can mark it on our calendars!  Only 903 more days!  Jerry Bruckheimer will once again produce and the screen play will be written by Jeff Nathanson.  Who's excited?  I AM!  I know you're probably thinking, "That's over two years away."  But at least there is hope.  So in honor of this most spectacular news, I feel like we should do a quick recap of ALL the past movies.
In The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Captain Jack Sparrow is off to recapture the Black Pearl from his mutinous first mate, Hector Barbossa.  Barbossa is after an unknown heir of William Turner and his last peice of cursed Aztec gold.  In the meantime, Will Turner and James Norringtion are after the hand of Elizabeth Swann.  Barbossa finds Elizabeth, so Will finds Jack, who finds Barbossa, who leaves Elizabeth and Jack on an island, who are then found by Norritngton, who then finds Barbossa and Will, who then lifts the curse on Barbossa, who is then dead.  With Barbossa dead, Jack gets back his ship and Will pushes Norrington out of the way and wins Elizabeth.  Obviously there's more the brilliant story than just that, but that's the overview.
Moving on to The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: Jack Sparrow has the Black Pearl for a bery short amount of time before some bad news arrives: Jack owes his soul to Davy Jones.  Bad news also hits Will and Elizabeth when they are arrested by Lord Cutler Beckett.  Similiar to the first movie, both of their problems connect when Will goes running to Jack for help.  Once again, Jack uses Will's desperation for his advantage: he gets Will to find him the key to the chest.  Elizabeth (and later Norrington) help Jack find the chest.  To revenge the fact that Will got Elizabeth and the glory at the end of the last movie, Norringtion uses the contents in the chest to redeem himself.  Jack gets the short end of the stick when Elizabeth feeds him to Davy Jones' pet, the kraken.  Just when all hope seems to be lost, Hector Barbossa is back, but this time he intends to help Jack by getting him out of Davy Jones locker, which brings us on to the next movie.
In The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, the gang sails to the world's end (shocker), to rescue Jack and the Pearl.  Together, they all set sail to Shipwreck Cove for the meeting of the Brethren Court.  Of couse, they run into Beckett on the way there, who is threatening to kill all pirates in the Caribbean.  After a set of complex negotiations, they finally arrive at Shipwreck Cove, with three of the nine pirate lords: Jack, Barbossa, and Elizabeth.  A LOT of bickering goes by and they finally agree to fight Beckett's armada and the Flying Dutchman, which they are actually sucessful in doing, minus a few casualties including Will Turner.  Will and Elizabeth have a brief wedding but Will has to become the cpatain of the Dutchman as the only way to live.  So alas, Will gets a ship and a wife but Jack doesn't even keep the Pearl because stupid Barbossa stole it from him, again.
Jack gets back the Pearl in The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides after Barbossa looses it to the infamous pirate, Blackbeard.  Jack also gets a rather complicated love story when he is reunited with Angelica, his past love and daughter of Blackbeard.  He sails with Angelica and Blackbeard on the Queen Anne's Revenge to the Fountain of Youth.  Along the way, we see yet another love story brewing between Syrena the mermaid and Philip Swift, the missionairy.  Once they've reached the fountain with Syrena's much coveted tear and Ponce de Leon's chalices, they clash with the British Royal Navy lead by Hector Barbossa and the Spanish, lead by the Spaniard :P.  After some intense battles, Blackbeard dies so Barbossa takes his ship.  Gibbs manages to get the bottled Black Pearl and Angelica gets landed alone on an island.  Jack finally has the Pearl back but how will he get it back to its normal size???  I guess we'll see in 2015!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

"That's It?"

Elizabeth is very easily frightened, or perhaps Barbossa's crew is just very frightening. They drag the governor's daughter against her will all the way to the Isla de Muerta to use her blood to lift their curse. Then, they reach the creepy island shaped like an X.  Elizabeth is freaking out in her cabin when Pintel and Ragetti come to fetch her.  Ragetti: "Let's go poppet."  They tie her up and put the last piece of gold around her neck, as they all chant "ho, ho, ho, ho."  They seem to really want to make this a super dramatic scene.  She pretty much goes without a fight into the row boat and on to the cave.  She's completely stunned when they enter the cave, filled with treasures and gold.  Koehler, one of the pirates, just shoves her along: "Move."  Such gentlemen.  Ragettie bring in some of the other chests.  Pintel: "Ten years of hoarding swag."  
Ragetti: "Now we finally get to spend it."  As usual, they creepily laugh as they poor our the contents of their chest.  Expecting to find expensive riches, they look down and see women's clothing.  Awkward.  Ragetti picks up a pink dress and examines it.  Pintel: "Once we're quit of the curse, we'll be rich men, and you can buy an eye what fits and is made of glass."  Ragettie now opens up an  umbrella (bad luck).  Ragetti: "This one does splinter something terrible."  Pintel: "Stop rubbing it!"  Just then the bo'sun comes over, judging the fact that his crew mates in ladies clothing.  PIntel in rosponse hits Ragetti with his umbrella.  Barbossa gathers everyone together.  He and Elizabeth stand above everyone next to the gigantic chest filled with the Aztec Gold.  Barbossa: "Our orment is near an end!  For ten years we've been tested and tried, and each man here has proved his mettle a hundred times over and a hundred times again!"  The whole crew cheers in agreement.  Elizabeth just freaks out there.  Ragetti: "Suffered, I have!"  Barbossa: "Punished we were, the lot of us, disproportionate to our crime!  Here it is!  The cursed treasure of Cortes himself.  Every last piece that went astray, we have returned.  Save for this!"  
Barbossa really know how to preach it.  Maybe he was a Great Awakening precher.  Barbossa: "Who among us has paid the blood sacrifice owed to the heathen gods?And whose blood yet be paid?"  The whole crew cries: "HER!"  Barbossa turns to Elizabeth now.  Barbossa: "You know the first thing I'm going to do after the curse is lifted?  Eat a whole bushel of apples!"  Barbossa is only slightly obsessed with apples.  He then has her bend over the chest as the whole crew continues to chang "Blood!  Blood!  Blood!"  How morbid.  Barbossa: "Begun by blood.  By blood undone."  He pulls the peice of gold from the necklace around her neck, and grabs her left hand.  He slits her palm and squeezes the blood on the gold.  It's a little gross, because we can probably all imagine the stinging feeling.  She gasps a bit, but then is relieved.  Elizabeth: "That's it?"  She totally thought they were going to kill her on the spot, in stead they just needed to prick her finger.  The pain in her hand might have stung, but she's probably just happy to be breathing.  
Barbossa: "Waste not."  He forces the bloody medallion out of her and and it dramatically falls into the the chest.  It turns a few times in the air for dramatic effect.  The whole crew closes their eyes dramatically for a few seconds, waiting for something to happen, but nothing very notable does.  So they all kinda just stare at themselves.  Koehler: "Did it work?"  Pintel: "I don't feel no different."  Ragetti: 'How do we tell?"  Barbossa just rolls his eyes at his stupid crew.  He pulls out his pistol and shoots pintel right in the chest.  Wow, he's willing to risk killing his crew member right after his life has begun just to test the curse?  That was kind.  Koehler: "You're not dead!"  Pintel: "No."  Then it hits him.  Pintel: "You shot me!"  The crew doesn't really care about Pintel either.  Crew: "It didn't work.  The curse is still upon us!"  Barbossa examines his knife, making sure there was actually blood.  You agrily turns back to Elizabeth: "You, maid!  Your father, what was his name?  Was your father William Turner?"  He has her by her sholders and is angrily shaking her.  Elizabeth: "No."  Barbossa: "Where's his child that sailed from England eight years ago and in whose veins flows the blood of William Turner? WHERE?"  
She just stares at him cleverly.  So he slaps her across the face, with quite a bit of force because she falls over and faints.   Except Barbossa is an idiot and he sends his Aztec godl down there with her.  What an awkward scene.  The crew thought they finally had the answer to their prayers, only to find that she conned them all.  They did this whole dramatic ceremony and speech for absolutely nothing.