Thursday, August 23, 2012

"Princess . . . Amenrah? No. Ah, I remember, Princess Amenirdis"

So we've talked about Esmeralda from The Price of Freedom but I'm not sure if we've talked so much about the other leading female character from the novel: Amenirdis.  She's actually in the story just as much as Esmeralda is, meaning there's a lot to tell about her.  I'll start with her background before she sets forth on the Wicked Wench with Captain Jack Sparrow.  Amenirdis was the first child of the Pharaoh Taharka and Queen Tiyy, the rulers of the kingdom of Kerma.  Kerma is a hidden island of the west coast of Africa.  It's hidden away from the rest of the world with a magical illusion.  The illusion comes from a powerful jewel, the Heart of Zerzura, that is hidden at the center of the a labyrinth under the temple in the shining city of Zerzura.  According to legend, the lion god, Apedemak who's the guardian of Kerma, gave them the jewel to protect them.  How the people of Kerma come to this hidden island, you might ask?  Well, Amenirdis' ancestors used to live in Kush, a kingdom near Egypt, just south of the third cataract of the Nile.  The capitol of Kush was Kerma.  Does that name sound familiar to you?  There was a big temple for the god, Apedemak.  
Thanks to Mark Dingemanse for creating this map!
But in 1300 B.C., the lion god told the people to take their sacred green jewel, the Heart of Zerzura, and travel and make a new home, on the other side of the continent.  They named the new island Kerma, in honor of the old capital of Kush.  And the new capital is called Zerzura, the shining city.  Jack explains the importance of the Heart of Zerzura to Christophe-Julien de Rapier, sparking Christophe's interest in the hidden island: "The Heart of Zerzura. It's a jewel...but not just a jewel. It's a shor—er, source of tremendous magical power."  Apparently the god led them the island where they lived for over 2,000 years when Amenirdis is born.  So there's all your history of Kerma, but you probably want to know more about Princess Ameniridis, because why would you want to know all these facts if it didn't connect to an important character, and then later to Jack?  Exactly.  Amenirdis has two younger brothers, Shabako, the eldest of the two brothers, and Aniba, the youngest in the family.  But Aniba falls very ill at a very young age, and the whole royal family is thrown into worry.  Apedemak sends the Pharoah, Taharka, a dream in which the lion god tells Taharka to travel to the New World to find the cure for his son.  Being a good father he is, Taharka sets of immediately.  Taharka finds the cure from Tia Dalma!  But unfortunately is killed before he can return home.  Aniba dies three months after his father leaves.  After a year of never hearing from his father, 
Shabako also leaves the island to find his father.  Keep in mind that Shabako is only 14 when he runs away.  Pretty rowdy teenager! But like his father, he brings worry to his family when he doesn't return.  Shabako is instead captured by slave hunters and sold into slavery.  He survives the dreadful voyage across the Atlantic Ocean and is forced to work on a cotton farm in New Avalon.  Only the women of the family are left to rule, Amenirdis and Queen Tiyy.  So then Amenirdis leaves also!  But she doesn't go aimlessly searching the globe for her lost family members.  Instead, she leads an expedition back to the ancient kingdom of Kush, where she intends to visit her extremely distant family in the city of Kerma and offer a sacrifice to Apedemak.  "The princess became convinced that if she went to Apedemak's most anceint temple and prayed there, the god would grant her knowledge of her brother and father's fate."  She wants to unite the people of both kingdoms of Kerma and pray to the god in his original temple.  It's good to have a plan!  But that plan get's kinda ruined when they find that there's nothing left in Kush but ruin, and then they all get shot or captured by slave hunters, and Amenirdis is forced to become an ugly old hag.  Sounds confusing?  It isn't really, and it shall all be explained soon!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

"Friends of yours?"

Shortly after reuniting with his old frienenemy Angelica, Scrum one of the Captain's Daughter's customers came to Angleica and warned her about a group of Royal Guards tried to gain access to the storage room of the Captain's Daughter   Scrum:"Milady! I see unseamenlike fellows of officious-looking nature!" Angelica: "...Friends of yours?"  Jack: "I may have unintentionally slighted some King or another." Angelica:  "...You haven't changed." Jack: "Implying the need?" Angelica:"Yes. You betrayed me! You seduced me and you used me. I was innocent of the ways of men." Jack:"You demonstrated a lot of technique for someone I supposedly corrupted." Hmm, quite the interesting past ehh? Jack and Angelica sprang into action as the Guards stormed in; chased all around the room fighting all the while. They slashed the barrels full of ale and wine stored in the room to distract the Guard, Jack paused momentarily to sample the wine. 
Angelica pushed him away from the drink before he had the chance to get his head blown off by one of the guards. The fight continued, until Angelica pushed the lever of a trapdoor that dropped the pair into the River Thames.  They swam to shore and began to talk about the sacred ritual that was to be performed when they reached the fountain of youth. Out of no where one of Angelica's crewman popped up and stabbed Jack with some sort of sleeping drug in a dart.  Meanwhile, Gibbs - who was also captured by the British Guards when he and Jack were last together-  was taken to the execution courtyard of the Tower of London and harassed by Barbossa for a time before he produced what they wanted: the map.
After getting their attention, he tossed the map into a nearby fire.  Lucky for him he had thought ahead. While imprisoned he apparently memorized the route to The Fountain of Youth. Well they couldn't very well kill him, because they needed the map stored in his head. Barbossa left with no other choice brought Gibb's along on the voyage, "Welcome back to His Majesty Navy, Master Gibbs!"  Aww how sweet!   
 Waking up on board The Queen Anne's Revenge was quite a surprise to Jack but being greeted by Scrum was even worse, well in my opinion it was. Scrum clued him in on his present situation while they were attempting to complete their morning chores. (aka scrubbing the deck.) , " 'Scuse me, Captain Sparrow, sir. I be right honored to welcome you aboard our world-renowned vessel of infamy—Queen Anne's Revenge."  Jack and Gibb's are in the same boat, figuratively speaking that is. They were both brought on their perspective voyages simply for their knowledge of The Fountain of Youth  and it's location.  Jack was put to work scrubbing the deck while he wasn't needed for navigation Gibb's however was just along for the ride on his ship which was being captain by the newest Navy captain Hector Barbossa. Jack took the time with the crew and put it to good use, from a Pirate's perspective that is. While scrubbing the deck halfheartedly he was told of the zombie crewman and the missionary who was captured to bring luck and blessing from God to the Captain, who just happened to be Blackbeard.  Later on that day, He learned that his captor Angelica was the first mate. He went off to search her out, and confronted her about the situation, 
Jack: "You...are a ruthless, soulless, cross grained cur." Angelica:"I told you I had a ship." Jack:"No, Blackbeard has a ship. Upon which I am now imprisoned."    To calm Jack down, Angelica told Jack of her connections or should I say relations on board,  her long lost Father just happened to be Blackbeard . Hmm no wonder her mother sent her to a convent.  After the conversation was over Jack returned to his crew-mates. He and his comrades hatched a plan. A plan to take over the ship through the treacherous act of mutiny...

Monday, August 20, 2012

"It shall be the duties of the king"

We discussed recently how because of Sao Feng's foolish mistake, Elizabeth becomes Pirate Lord of the South China Sea.  She arrives at Shipwreck cove right in time for all the bickering.  At this moment, she proves herself to be the opposite of a hippie: she wants war, as does Jack Sparrow.  But only the King of the Brethren Court may declare war, so they bring out the Keeper of the Code and the Pirate Codex.  And after some searching around, Captain Teague declares: "Ah.  Barbossa is right."  Jack: "Hang on a minute."  Jack then reads straight from the book: "'It shall be the duties, as the king, to declare war, parley with shared adversaries . . .' Fancy that."  Gotta love old parley.  Chevalle, the Pirate Lord of the Mediterranean Sea, says: "There has not been a king since the First Court.  And that's not likely to change."  That's what you think.  When Jack Sparrow is in the room, you never know how things are going to bo about.  Teague agrees: "Not likely."  Elizabeth, the rookie, asks: "Why not?"  Gibbs: "See, the pirate king is elected by popular vote.  And each pirate only ever votes for hisself."  Figures, doesn't it?  None of these pirate captains want to take orders from anyone but themselves.  
But Jack ignores this fact and changes things up a bit.  Jack: "I call for a vote."  Barbossa leads everyone else in an impatient sigh.  But at least there's not actually fighting.  They all go around the table and announce their vote.  As expected, everyone votes for themself.  Including Barbossa and Elizabeth.  You'd think that Elizabeth would team up with Jack, since he's the only way she can get what she wants done.  Jack is the final person to vote, and everyone expects him to say "Jack Sparrow".  But he shocks the world yet again: "Elizabeth Swann."  Um, that didn't go as planned.  Even Elizabeth is shocked: "What?"  Jack: "I know.  Curious, isn't it?"  So this brings about a lot of shouting and outrage, for good reason.  I mean, who would want Elizabeth to be thier king?  Jack: "Am I to understand that you lot will not be keeping to the code, then?"  Not keeping to the code?!!!  I don't think so.  The keeper of the code, who just so happens to be hanging out in the back, breaks a string of his guitar in outrage.  This shuts everyone up pretty darn quickly.  Mistress Ching, the Pirate Lord of the Pacific Ocean, gives in: "Very well.  What say you, Captain Swann, king of the Brethren Court?"  
Doesn't exactly have a ring to it.  As she is saying this, Barbossa just rolls his eyes in a very bothered way.  You see, Jack and Elizabeth both agreed on what the Brethren Court should do, but nobody else did.  And since the king would decide, Jack voted for Elizabeth so that she would have the power to do just what he want her to do: declare war.  Of course, it could have gone the other way around, where Elizabeth votes for Jack, but she voted for herself first, not thinking as much as Jack did.  Elizabeth: "Prepare every vessel that floats.  At dawn, we're at war."  Her Brittish accent seems to become more and more present as the movie progresses.  Jack nods in approval.  Sumbhajee, the Pirate Lord of the Indian Ocean, who hasn't spoke the whole meating, stands up and announces, in a VERY high-pitched voice: "And so we shall go to war."  Pretty epic.  So then dawn comes and all the pirates are in their ships prepared for battle.  Except, as usual, it doesn't go as planned.  That's what you get when a girl like Elizabeth makes all the decisions.  The pirates realize that they're out numbered by East India Trady Company vessels.  
It's a good thing Jack looked at that Pirate Code, because now he knows that the Pirate King can parley with the enemy.  So Elizabeth, Barbossa, and Jack meet up for some pretty intense parley with Davy Jones, Cutler Beckett, and Will.  Elizabeth informs Beckett that the pirates will fight anyways.  But things are getting pretty desperate, so they release Calypso, the goddess of the sea from her human bonds, praying that she'll be merciful to the pirates and vengeful on Davy Jones and help them in victory.  But instead it seems that she just turned into hundreds of crabs and left them. A bit awkward.  So now what shall be done?  Elizabeth, as usual, seems to have all the answers.  Lizzie: "It's not over."  Will: "There's still a fight to be had."  But the rest of the crew doesn't seem as optimistic.  Gibbs: "We've an armada against us, and with the Dutchman, there's no chance."  Elizabeth: "There's only a fool's chance."  Good thing you're a fool.  Barbossa: "Revenge won't bring your father back, Miss Swann, and it's not somehting I'm intending to die for."  I'm not trying to burst your bubble dude, but most likely Beckett's going to put you to death anyways.  And what are you going to do with all these pirate ships out in the open?  You've kinda reached the point of no return.  Cue the hard core music!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

"That is his own tub!"

In the book, The Price of Freedom by A.C. Crispin, Cutler Beckett isn't Lord Cutler Beckett yet.  He's the director of West African affairs. But he has his mind set on a promotion as "Lord" or "Sir", a promotion that we know is not too far off.  To get this position, Beckett feels that he needs to kiss up to the E.I.T.C. director of African Affairs, his boss, Viscount, Lord Reginald Marmaduke Bracegirdle-Penwallow.  Quite the name, right?  Beckett also feels that he needs to please Lord Penwallow because of the favor he did for him.  Beckett was once captured by Captain Christophe-Julien de Rapier, the infamous rogue pirate.  Beckett gets beat up by the pirates and held for ransom.  Beckett's family hates him (no surprise) so they don't pay the ransom.  Lord Penwallow does instead.  The first time Beckett dines with Penwallow, he's a complete stalker.  He learns all about Penwallow's family and personal life thinking it may help him reach his goal.  The Viscount returns to Calabar a few months later, when he and Beckett have lunch again.  This time, however, Captain Jack Sparrow is docked and Beckett asks him to join them.  But Jack has just finished a three month voyage around the triangle and isn't what Beckett considers presentable.  
So Jack is taken by Beckett's operator, Ian Mercer, to his office to clean up.  In the home office, Jack meets Mistress Goodwright, Beckett's maid, who is instructed to see that Jack is clean up.  Jack is surprise to find that they have prepared brand new clothes for him to wear for lunch and keep.  But what's even more surprising is the iron tub filled with water!  Jack: "What's this for?"  Mistress Goodwright: "La, lad!  'Tis for you!  Very particular, Mr. Beckett is, 'bout his hygiene.  That is his own tub!  He ordered us to haul it down here and fill it for you, Captain."  We all know what a tub is for(at least I hope so), but I don't think Jack has caught on yet.  Jack: "What does Mr. Beckett want me to do with it?"  This makes the maid giggle.  Mistress Goodwright: "I know, I know . . . outlandish idea, isn't it?  But 'tis becoming the fashion among some of the gentry, they say.  At least once a moth, they takes off all their clothes, and they SITS in those 'bathtubs' and they washes themselves.  All over.  Mr. Beckett says the Romans did it all the time."  Jack: "No wonder their empire fell.  Madam, I am clean.  Well, mostly.  (Jack's hands aren't the cleanest)  I'll have you know I went for a nice long swim on a lovely beach, not much more than three months ago."  Does this disgust anyone else?  I mean, I love Jack but his hygiene not so much.  But there is one thing that scares him more than the tub, and Mistress Goodwright knows just that.  
Mistress Goodwright: "Mr. Becket told me that if you said no, I was to tell him and he'd instruct Mr. Mercer to see that you did it."  Jack almost walks out on the whole thing, because he was terrified of Mercer and a footman ripping off all his clothes and forcing him into the water.  As if Jack couldn't take them all down!  But the maid gets the best of him.  Jack: "Oh, very well.  But I'm sure it's unhealthy.  I'll probably catch me death."  So Jack starts taking off his coat and shoes but she's still there standing awkwardly.  Mistress Goodwright: "Um . . . Captain Sparrow, would you like me to scrub your back?"  Jack just rolls his eyes: "Madam, I thought time was of the essence."  As she she leaves Jack calls, "And close that door, if you please . . . All the way, Mistress Goodwright."  So Jack finally bathes, for the first time.  Rather disturbing, really.  And afterwards he tries on his new fancy clothing.  Mercer and the maid want to burn his old clothes, but Jack objects, seeing as he didn't have too many.  And finally, he is ready to meet the Viscount, Lord Reginald Marmaduke Bracegirdle-Penwallow.  I love Jack as he is and all, but a bath here and there is probably smart.

Friday, August 17, 2012

"Stop Blowing Holes in my ship!"

Individual sword fights in The Pirates of the Caribbean movies are always very intense and fun to watch.  But when every member of the crew is locked in an epic sword fight, then it becomes an epic battle.  Each movie is filled with this exciting battles.  Which of the many are your favorite?  These are a few of mine!
5) HMS Interceptor vs. Black Pearl in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
After Will and Jack sneak onto the Isla de Muerta and interupt the Aztec ritual needed to lift the curse off Barbossa and his crew, Will helps Elizabeth run off with the medallion in the Interceptor, and Jack is left behind.  As you can imagine, Barbossa isn't too happy that the medallion he's been searching years for is gone, so the Black Pearl chases down the Interceptor.  Since the Black Pearl is the fastest ship in the Caribbean, it of course catches them and the battle begins.  The Interceptor is out of ammunition so they load the cannons with boots and apples and forks, which does a bit of damage to the Pearl, to Jack's despair. But the cursed crew wins.  They capture all the prisoners and the medallion and watch the Interceptor sink.
4) Kraken vs. Black Pearl in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Elizabeth, Will, Jack and his crew somehow make it off the Isla de Cruces alive, along with their jar of dirt, which Jack plans to use in a negotiation with Davy Jones.  But when he realizes that there really is nothing but dirt in the jar, the crew turns to plan B: RUN!  The Pearl outruns the Flying Dutchman and escapes their shooting range.  But Jones isn't done yet.  He sets his very friendly pet, the kraken loose on them.  Will instructs the crew to load up all the rum.  Jack shoots the floating barrels of rum, which explode, injuring the kraken. This buys them more time to escape.  Pretty impressive to hold off on a sea monster that long, but it's only a matter of time.  The crew gets into the one remaining longboat and sail away, watching the kraken devour the Black Pearl and it's captain.
3) Jack Sparrow vs. palace guards in The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Sadly, Pintel and Ragetti were not part of this battle, but it was still intense none the less.  Jack lands himself a meeting with the king of England, King George II.  King George wants Jack to lead Barbossa to the Fountain of Youth.  Jack has other plans.  Even though he's surounded by a whole palace full of guards, he manages to beak loose of the soldiers holding him down, swing on the chandelier, eat his cream puff, and get out.  The king sends Barbossa and his men out to get Jack. But Jack is to clever for them.  He hides in the tapestry, steals a very pudgy woman's earing, rides on top of her carriage, commandeers a cart of coal, and lands himself in front of a tavern, of course.  Just when the thinks he's safe, another soldier appears, but Jack's father takes care of that for him.
2) HMS Dauntless vs. Black Pearl in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Barbossa and his cursed crew of the Black Pearl return to the Isla de Muerta to attempt to lift the curse.  But once again, Jack returns in the midst of it.  Meanwhile, Norrington and the Royal Navy are outside, ready to attack the Pearl.  Barbossa and his men launch a very sneaky plan to take down the Dauntless that involves dresses and umbrellas.  Pintel and Ragetti distract the Navy by rowing along the sea in a their pretty dresses.  The rest of the crew sneak on board to kill the crew of the Dauntless.  But Pintel and Ragetti get into a fight, revealing who they really are before the Navy had been finished off.  The Navy fights back and holds off just long enough for Will and Jack to lift the curse inside the cave.  The still outnumbered no-longer cursed crew of the Black Pearl is captured and their captain is shot.  Quite the finale!
1) E.I.T.C. vs. Brethren Court in The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
This amazing conclusion to the third pirates movie could hardly be better.  It starts out with "Captain Swann" inspiring the crew to fight until the end and ends with the destruction of Lord Cutler Beckett's ship, the HMS Endeavour.  First, the Black Pearl is sent out to battle the Flying Dutchman.  This battle seems like the perfect time for a wedding, right?  In the midst of fighting tons of sea creatures, Barbossa agrees to marry Will and Elizabeth, adding another element of romance to the battle.  But their fairy tale comes to a close when Davy Jones stabs Will.  Will has just enough time before he dies to stab the heart of Davy Jones, making himself captain of the Dutchman.  After carving out his heart and locking it in a chest, Will returns with his new crew of the Dutchman and helps the Black Pearl demolish the Endeavour.  With their two mains ships down, the armada of the East India Trading company surrenders to the Brethren Court and the Pirates live to tell another tale!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

"You get to choose, Mr. Sparrow."

After tramping through the forest somewhat aimlessly Jack and his followers come to an abrupt halt. In front of a cliff with a rickety bridge. Blackbeard doesn't trust Jack's compass anymore (frankly neither would i) He volunteers Jack to jump over the cliff to see if anyone can survive the drop.  Blackbeard challenges Jack of a game of chance, played with one of a pirates favorite things: guns.  If Jack guesses right Angelica doesn't get shot, if he guesses wrong she dies.  Jack makes a joke of it and grabs a loaded one. He doesn't think Blackbeard would ever put his daughter's life in danger, well he was wrong.  After that tension filled game, Blackbeard (whose sleeve is clearly fulls of tricks) pulls out a voodoo doll. modeled after our dear Jack.  The quartermaster grabs it and dangled it over the cliff. Jack, worried for his life starts chatting with the darling sailor Jack: "Oi. If I jump, will I survive?" Quartermaster:"...The doll. [Angelica gives him the doll, he starts chanting, and the Quartermaster throws it and Jack screams as it falls]...Yes, now you will survive."   
How reassuring.  Eventually Jack jumps, and lands with a splash in the stream below. 
 Jack is not happy! "Wet, wet again."  He sets off to continue the search for the chalices, while the rest of Blackbeard's crew trudges on through the jungle.  While on their wonderful hike Phillip swift being the sweet caring man that he is saves the life of the  mermaid he named Syrena and carries her to the crews next stop (what a sweetie!) Meanwhile, our favorite not so sweet pirate is hashing it out with he old friend Barbossa on board Ponce de Leon's ship in search of the items needed for the ritual to be performed later.  
They found the box that was supposed to have the chalices, empty of course. And hatch a plan to get them back from the sneaky Spaniards. One that involves trees and rope and maybe some coconuts.  Blackbeard and his crew arrived at a set of pools other crews have used to hole mermaid's while on the quest towards the Fountain of Youth.  Blackbeard threatens her with death if she doesn't give them the tear he needs for the aforementioned rituals. She refuses, dooming herself to a nice long soak in the mermaid pool under the hot sun. Phillip tries to convince her to just cry one single tear to spare her life.  Watching them interact gives Blackbeard an idea. He ordered the quartermaster to grab Phillip and kill him in front of Syrena, she then gave him what he wanted, Phillip was thrown away and left to die. Blackbeard gathered he troops and they hiked on in search of long life to be bought with the life of another.  (pretty barbaric if you ask me.)  Jack and Barbossa however, are in a bit of a pickle. Maybe the coconuts will come into play? I certainly hope so!


Sunday, August 12, 2012

"What will we do now?"

So we all know that Captain Sao Feng was Pirate Lord of the South China Sea.  He was on his way the the meeting of the Brethren Court when the Empress ran into some trouble.  The ship was attacked by the Flying Dutchman.  Davy Jones makes his presence known by blasting a cannon into the ship, which hits Sao Feng mortally.  Elizabeth, who is on board the ship, lies to his dying face by allowing him to think she was the sea goddess, Calypso.  So has he's dying, he makes Elizabeth captain of the Empress and passes on his piece of eight and position as Pirate Lord.  At first, the crew of the Empress is outraged.  Tai Huang: "What did he tell you?" Elizabeth: "He made me captain."  Tai Huang: "You are not my captain!"  But things change when they were line up on deck.  Davy Jones: "Who among you do you name as captain?"  Tai Huang immediately points at Elizabeth and says, "Captain."  So I guess Elizabeth is captain, and a pretty good thing for the crew of the Empress.  Since Elizabeth was friends with Admiral Norrington, he let them out of the brig of the Flying Dutchman and back to freedom on the Empress.  
From there they sail to Shipwreck Cove for the meeting of the Brethren Court.  But due to the delay, they arrive after all the other pirate lords, making a big scene as they walked in.  Jack: "Might I point out that we are still short one pirate lord and I'm as content as a cucumber to wait until Sao Feng joins us."  Then you could be waiting for the rest of your life.  Right on cue.  Elizabeth: "Sao Feng is dead.  He fell to the Flying Dutchman."  She sticks her sword into the globe with the others.  Every one else in the room is outraged and start screaming all about how evil the Dutchman is.  Jack: "He made you captain?  Just giving the bloody title away now!"  You know it's a sad day when Elizabeth Swann is in charge of a boat.  And what's even sadder is that she now thinks she's in charge of everyone.  Elizabeth: "Listen to me!  Our location has been betrayed."  What makes what you say more important than the words of the other Pirate Lords?  They've been Lord's longer than you have.  But she continues anyways: "Jones is under the command of Lord Beckett.  They're on their way here."  
Jocard, another pirate lord, exclaims: "Who is this betrayer?"  Barbossa attempts to mellow everything out: "Not likely anyone among us."  And we all know it was only a matter of time before Elizabeth asks: "Where's Will?"  Jack: "Not among us."  Hmmmm, how suspicious . . .  Barbossa: "And it matters not how they found us.  The question is what will we do now that they have?"  Elizabeth is becoming way too overly confident.  Elizabeth: "We fight!"  I'm really beginning to see why Tai Huang was so scared to have her as captain.  The whole Brethren Court just laughs in her face.  Even Jack.    So then all of the pirate lords share what they think is the answer.  Do they fight?  Do they just hang out in Shipwreck Cove, a fortress,  for all eternity?  Do they release Calypso and hope that she's nice?  Jack has the perfect answer for this one.  He explains to the Court the significance of cuttlefish and all about how the pirates would kill each other if they tried.  And then he finishes his great speech in a rather shocking way.  Jack: ". . . .We are left with but one option.  I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of my mouth, Captain Swann.  We must fight."  
You know things are desperate when the best plan is Elizabeth's plan.  But Barbossa still wants to ruin Elizabeth and Jack's plan.  Barbossa: "You've always run away from a fight."  Jack: "Have not!"  Barbossa: "You have so!"  Jack: "Have not!"  Barbossa: "You have so!"  Jack: "Have not!"  Barbossa: "You have so and you know it!"  Jack: "Have not slandering calopy!"  Everyone in the room glances back and forth between the two.  Gotta love Jack and Barbossa's bickering.  Jack: "I have only and ever embraced that oldest and noblest of pirate tradition.  I submit that here and now that is what we all must do.  We must fight, to run away!"  Okay, so I've heard it all over that it's the really good speakers who become leaders, even if in reality they're idiots.  This is just proves the point.  I mean, how in the name of John Hancock's second beard do you fight to run away?  We all know Jack comes up with the craziest ideas ever.  But he describes them as so awesomely epic that everyone cheers for him.  Except for Hector Barbossa.  Barbossa: "As per the code, an act of war, and this be exactly that, can only be declared by the pirate king."  Jack: "You made that up!"  You'd think that being the son of the Keeper of the Code, Jack would already know these kind of things.  Barbossa: "Did I now?  I call on Captain Teague, Keeper of the Code."  This one sentence puts everyone in a tizzy again.  One guy even suggests the Code is pointless.  But Teague takes care of this one buy shooting the guy in the back.  And the arguing stops, for now. . .

Friday, August 10, 2012

"My Compass Is Unique"

So, Jack Sparrow has this super handy dandy magical object called his compass.  And we've talked all about the crazy places it's lead him.  But for some period of time in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, the compass isn't behaving.  And this is a problem because Jack can't find the key to the chest which holds the heart of Davy Jones to stab it if he has no direction to get to it.  So to fix this problem, Jack and his crew sail to Tia Dalma's shack for advice.  After all, it was Tia Dalma who gave him this gift.  They even pay her an undead monkey for her help.
They bring Will Turner on this little journey also, because it's not a party unless Orlando Bloom is there!  But Will has no idea all this is happening to Jack.  So he gets right down to business with Tia Dalma.  Will: "We're looking for this and what it goes to."  He shows her the drawing of the key.  Tia Dalma looks rather confused for a moment, and then calls to Jack: "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?"  Jack looks very uncomfortable at this question: "Maybe.  Why?"  This makes Tia Dalma giggle.  Tia Dalma: "Jack Sparrow does not know what he wants.  Or do you know but loathe to claim it as your own?"  Jack decides it best to not answer this question.  The compass points to whatever the holder wants the most in this whole world, except you have to have it clearly in your mind.  But Jack doesn't know what he wants the most, so the compass cannot show him his way to it.  But then Elizabeth Swann joins the party and saves him his worries, for now, because she on the other hand knows clearly what she wants: William Turner.  Elizabeth: "All I want is to find Will."  Jack: "Are you certain?  Is that what you really want most?"  Elizabeth: "Of course." Jack: "Because I would think, you'd want to find a way to save Will the most."  
Jack's onto something, as usual.  Because if all she wanted to do was find Will, she could just kill herself at see, and wait for Davy Jones to come and recruit her!  Then she and Will could be together for a whole eternity working their butt's off on the Flying Dutchman.  Although I'm not so sure if they take female recruits.  Elizabeth: "And you'd have a way of doing that?"  Jack: "Well, there is a chest."  Norrington is adding his rude commentary in the background since Jack has just hired him for his crew.  Norrington: "Oh dear."  Jack just shoots him a rather cold look and continues: "A chest of unknown size and origin." Then our favorite pirates Pintel and Ragetti wander by.  Pintel: "With the still-beating heart of Davy Jones."  Ragetti pretends his hand is a beating heart.  Jack: "And whoever posses that chest posses the leverage to command Jones to do whatever it is he or she wants.  Including, saving brave William from his grim fate."  How easily Jack turns what he wants into what Elizabeth wants.  Norrington knows better: "You don't actually believe him, do you?"  
Elizabeth just looks suspiciously back and forth between the two pirates, but she gives in to Jack's plan: "How do we find it?"  That's when the plan unfolds as Jack pulls out his compass.  Jack: "With this.  My compass is unique."  Norrington again has something to say: "Unique having the meaning of broken."  Norrington insulted this same compass in Curse of the Black Pearl also.  He's just jealous.  Jack: "True enough.  This compass does not point North."  Elizabeth is listening intently: "Where does it point?"  Jack: "It points to the thing you want most in this world."  Jack gives her that charming smiling that just about everyone has to give into.  Elizabeth: "Oh Jack.  Are you telling the truth?"  Jack: "Every word, love."  Except for the part about Will, but we can let that one pass.  Jack: "And what you want most in this world is to find the chest of Davy Jones, is it not?"  Elizabeth gets all defensive at this: "To save Will!"  Jack: "By finding the chest of Davy Jones."  He places the compass in her hands and quickly runs off.  
The compass shakes a bit but finally comes to a stop, which she is surprised to find is not north.  Jack reappears, happier than usual.  Jack: "Mr. Gibbs!"  Gibbs: "Cap'n."  Jack: "We have our heading!"  Gibbs: "Finally!"  After many weeks of not knowing where to go because of the misguiding compass and very vague headings, the crew can finally set sail for their destination, thanks to Elizabeth for playing the perfect tool!  I guess Elizabeth can be useful for something because the compass does indeed lead them to the chest.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

"Now...what do we have here?"

Jack Sparrow has reformed and went to law school. Haha  or not!  He is merely impersonating a Judge.   Now why would he take such huge risk and appear in public?  Well his first mate Gibbs was on trial.  However there was some confusion about Gibbs' name, Gibbs: "I told 'em, I'm not Jack Sparrow, who I would be happy to identify to the court, if it would help my case." Jack: "I think that it would be a poor defense, unless you want to be bludgeoned again like a harp seal. Luckily Jack is clever and finds something to charge Gibbs with that wont get him killed or bludgeoned like a harp seal. Jack:"Shut it! [Bangs his gavel] Joshamee Gibbs. The crime of which you have been found guilty of, is of being innocent of being Jack Sparrow. I hereby commute your sentence and order that you be imprisoned for the remainder of your miserable, moribund, mutton-chopped life.  
Now it's really settled.  Jack reconnects with Gibbs by simply being a pirate. He hops on the pirate transport wagon with Gibbs they have a quick chat about Jack's plans Gibbs:"What about you, Jack? Last I heard, you were hell bent to find the Fountain of Youth. Any luck?" Jack:"Circumstances arose, and forced a compelling insight regarding discretion and valor." Gibbs:"Meaning, you gave up." Jack:"I did not! I am just as bent as ever, hellishly so. I shall taste those waters, Master Gibbs. Mark my words." Gibb's also informs Jack of the rumors swinging around the pub, Gibbs:"Then I hear a rumor. Jack Sparrow was in London, with a ship, and looking for a crew." Jack:"Am not." Gibbs:"But that's what I heard. Fact is, you're signing up men tonight, pub called Captain's Daughter."  
Oh boy, I guess Jack isn't the only one doing impersonations. Shortly after getting started they come to an abrupt halt. Completely unaware to the swarm of Officers awaiting them; Jack and Gibbs greet the fresh air. Two seconds later they notice the field of red.   Jack is whisked away to one of the King's palaces to await his punishment. Little did he know, the King actually wants to enlist Jack to help him find the Fountain of Youth.  Also making an appearance Jack's old friend and the Navy's newest recruit Captain Hector Barbossa. Looking less then spiffy powdered and in his dress blues, and shiny peg leg.  
Jack however wasn't paying any attention to the King, as his sole focus was on the nice cream puffs.  Eventually Jack Makes his move, he climbs on the table and leaps to the chandelier and swings there while gaining momentum he jumps all over the room and then makes an exit out the doors and down the hall. He is immediately followed by the King's men, he is fast on his feet and quite clever he jumped out a window and zip lined down to the street.  He scurried through the streets in and out of carriages and eventually landed aboard a coal cart grabbed the reigns from the driver and haphazardly drove spilling coal all the way. 
He jumped from the coal cart and grabbed onto a sign that happened to be for the pub in which he was supposedly hiring a crew. After a close shoot out between an officer and his father Teague. He headed in, in search of his impersonator. And let me tell ya he was in for a big surprise.