Saturday, December 31, 2011

"The Black Pearl In A Bottle"

In Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Jack has again lost the Black Pearl.  I don't really understand how he can keep loosing something as big and grand as a ship.  Jack: "What has become of my beloved Pearl?"  Barbossa: "I lost the Pearl as I lost my leg."  Jack: "Lost the Pearl?" Barbossa: "Aye.  I defended her mighty enough but she sunk nonetheless." Jack then charges at his frenemy, stomping over the table and knocking over food.  Some of the British soldiers have to hold him back.  Jack: "If that ship should be sunk properly, you should be sunk with it."  Some captain you are Barbossa.  Of course, Jack can't really talk because when the Kraken attacks the Pearl in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Jack rows away from his ship.

Aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, Angelica takes Jack to a secret part of the ship.  Angelica: "He Keeps each ship as a prize. You help me, and I promise you your pick, though I think I know the one you will choose."  Jack: "The Black Pearl in a Bottle? Why is the Black Pearl in a bottle?  He (the monkey) is even more annoying in miniature."

Jack's question is answered a few scenes later, as he's camping out with Barbossa, captured by the Spaniards and tied a a palm tree.  But being tied to a tree isn't too bad when you've got rum!  Jack: "Oh, you've got a knife!  That's very good." Barbossa unscrews his fake leg, and says: "Better."  He then takes a nice long sip of rum.  Rum beats knife any day.  What could be better than rum?  Jack: "I want one of those."  Barbossa hands him some.  Barbossa: "You weren't there that night."  Jack: "When the Pearl was lost?" Barbossa: 
"Taken, not lost. We were off the coast of Hispaniola when we came under attack. No provocation or warning or parley.  We were peppered with cannon fire.  And then the sea beneath the Pearl began to roil.  The Pearl was pitching a yawing violently.  Every plank every rail, every spar at once began to creak.  The rigging had come to life.  Our own ship turned against us, tangling the crew, wrapping around them like snakes.  And wrapping around me leg, but me arms were free and my sword was to hand.  I am the master of me ship, not Blackbeard.  I am the master of my fate, not Blackbeard.  So I did what I needed done.  I survived."  Cutting off your own leg is a little morbid, but at least it gives you a handy place to store your rum!

Monday, December 26, 2011

"How About an Apple?"

While dining with Captain Barbossa on the Black Pearl in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Elizabeth shoves her face with chicken, and just about everything in her sight...
Except for the apple, which apparently disgusts her.  It looks like she's worried the apple will eat her, instead of her eating the apple.
But this really shocks Jack, the monkey, who is somewhat hurt deeply.  HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE A NICE JUICY APPLE?  Stupid Elizabeth.  

Will and Elizabeth are truly the perfect couple because they both have abnormal eating habits.  Will prefers metal...

Jack and Barbossa have a mutual love for apples though.  It makes them very happy.

People say that eating an apple is equivalent to brushing your teeth, but I guess Barbossa proved that one wrong.

Jack: "We are very much alike, you and I, I and you, us."
Elizabeth: "Except for a sense of honor, and decency, and a moral center, and personal hygiene."  Elizabeth is not digging the apples or anyone who consumes them at all!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

"I Can't Swim"

Murtogg: "This dock is off-limits to civilians."
Jack: "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.  Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen, such as yourselves, did not merit an invitation?" 
Murtogg: "Someone's got to make sure that this dock stays off-limits to civilians."
Jack: "It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me... that a ship like that one, makes this one here seem a bit superfluous, really." 
Murtogg:  "Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed." 
Jack:  "I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: The Black Pearl."
Mullroy: "Well, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor."
Murtogg: "The Black Pearl is a real ship."
Mullroy: "No, it's not."
Murtogg: "Yes it is, I've seen it. "
Mullroy: "You've seen it?"
Murtogg: "Yes."
Mullroy: "You haven't seen it."
Murtogg: "Yes, I have."
Mullroy: "You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?"
Murtogg: "No."
Mullroy: "No."
Murtogg: "But I have seen a ship with black sails."
Mullroy: "Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're telling me?"
Murtogg: "No."

Murtogg and Mullroy are members of the British Royal Navy under Commodore James Norrington.  I'm not sure who on earth would want these idiots working for them, but they are a good source of entertainment.  Jack sparrow, seems to get the best of their dispute about the best ship, as he sneaks by them unoticed.  Jack does have a way with tricking people and they do have a way with being stupid.  I'm also really confused on why Mullroy is a marine when he admits to not being able to swim...  Jack Sparrow: "Will you be saving her then?"  Mullroy: "I can't swim." Jack Sparrow: "Pride of the King's navy you are. Do not lose these."
They are for some reason trusted with important jobs, such as guarding the hearts of Davy Jones, keeping patrol of the harbor, and fighting in the final scene of the first movie.  Murtogg: "What are we doing here?"  Mullroy: "The pirates come out, unprepared and unawares. We catch 'em in a crossfire... send 'em down to see Old Hob." Murtogg: "I know *why* we're here. I mean, why aren't we doin' what - what Mr. Sparrow said? With the cannons and all?" Norrington: "Because it was Mr. Sparrow who said it."  Murtogg: "You don't think 'e was tellin' the truth?"

Monday, December 12, 2011

"I chased a man across the Seven Seas."

While searching for a crew Jack and Will run into and old friend of theirs. (Jack Dashes away to hide of course)Ex-Commodore Jame Norrington. "James Norrington, what has the world done to you?" well lets see...  When one goes to delivers a prisoner to be hung it is customary for said prisoner to be hung! But Jack escaped(surprise surprise) with the help of his trusty crew of course. And because of this Norrington is punished, and if that wasn't enough his Fiance Elizabeth Swann. But He found Jack again and his soldier instincts kick in (even though he was thoroughly inebriated) And he decides to do a very stupid thing: Start a fight in a bar full of drunk pirates. Bad move. When he awakes he has a wicked hangover and decides to join Jack's crew.(But Jack has something to say about Norrington first,"You smell funny " Bahahaha. Jack is SO rude! But we all know he never means it right?)  Meanwhile James has started  plotting to thwart Jack some how, some way.....This plotting take some time to come into action but he does succeed in he end. He stole the Heart of Davy Jones from Jack while Jack was other wise occupied. "Lord Beckett desires the contents of that chest. I deliver it, I get my life back.""Ah. The dark side of ambition.""Oh, I prefer to see it as the promise of redemption."―James Norrington and Jack Sparrow."      And caused quite the embaresment to our dear pirate. Norrington took the heart to the one person who could give him his former life back; Lord Cutler Beckett.  Beckett was greatly pleased with this turn of event sand rewarded Norrington for his deed."I take it I've won commission as a privateer.""Oh, I think...better. Reinstatement to your former rank and status, all rights and privileges attendant. And I think a promotion is due, as well. Do you agree, Admiral Norrington?"―James Norrington and Lord Cutler Beckett. But thats not where His story ends. He has some life saving to do still.
  As a Guard on board Davy's ship (controlled by Lord Beckett of course)  He caught some run away captives. One of these captives was his long lost love Elizabeth Swann(soon to be Turner)"Our destinies have been entwined Elizabeth, but never joined." And he made he decision to help them escape and he paid for that decision with his life.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

"A Dress Or Nothing"

Jack: "Come to join my crew? Welcome aboard!" Elizabeth: "I've come to find the man I love." Jack: "I'm deeply flattered, son, but my first and only love is the sea." Elizabeth: "Meaning William Turner, Captain Sparrow." Jack:"Elizabeth?  Hide the rum.  You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all.  It should be a dress or nothing.  I happen to have no dress in my cabin." 
In this scene of The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chess,  Elizabeth finds Jack boarding up his ship in the lovely port of Tortuga.  Elizabeth, who is disguised in men's clothing, sneaks up on him.  Jack, realizing that it's her, quickly hides all his alcohol, remembering that last time they drank together, Elizabeth burned all the wonderful rum.  
Pretty elizabeth
Then of course, he has to hit on her, as she's looking for her fiance.  

Pretty Elizabeth vs. Manly Elizabeth...

 Well, clearly Jack prefers pretty Elizabeth or inappropriate Elizabeth, and doesn't have a problem with showing it.  Of course, he learns better later in the movie when Elizabeth tries to kill him while kissing him.  

Manly Elizabeth
Realizing that Elizabeth is serious and wants to find Will, he completely lies to her about how Will got into danger.  "Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate series of circumstances that have nothing to do whatsoever with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew."  But Jack is allowed to lie, because he's just that cool right?  When James Norrington, Elizabeth's previous fiance,  objects to Jack's lie, Jack becomes a five year old.  "You smell funny."

 I don't think anyone in this scene really appreciates how amazing it is to be in Captain Jack Sparrow's presence.  

Saturday, December 10, 2011

"Thank You Commodore"

Locked in his little cell at Port Royal, Captain Jack Sparrow makes an agreement to the lovely Will Turner.  "Well Mr. Turner, I’ve changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?"  
And so their adventure begins, all to save the little "bonnie lass", Elizabeth, from the cursed ship. Jack: "How far are you willing to go to save her?"  Will: "I'd die for her."  Jack: "Oh good, no worries then." First though, they must get a ship.  

Will: "This is either madness or brilliant."  Jack: "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."  
     They hide under a row boat under water and swim/walk up to the ship and climb aboard.  Sailor: "This ship cannot be crewed by two men.   You'll never make it out of the bay."  Jack: "Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.  Savvy?"  Once their on the ship, they kick them members off, alerting Norrington.  Norrington leads his men to take their ship and climb aboard the Dauntless, the ship currently hijacked by Jack and Will.  While everyone is searching the Dauntless for them, Jack and Will hop on board the other ship, the Interceptor.  

      Angered that Jack has his ship, Norrington commands his men to pull out their guns and cannons and attack the ship.  "I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean, than in the hands of a pirate."  But of course, Jack thinks of everything, so he disabled the rudder chain, causing the ship to continue in the wrong direction and crash into the row boat holding more men.   "Thank you Commodore for getting us ready to make way!  We'd have had a hard time by doing it by ourselves!" -Jack

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Black Spot.

After aquiring a crew Jack Sparrow encounters a problem; his "magic" compass can't tell what he wants. So he and crew set sail with no heading. While at sea Jack is visited by Bootstrap Bill Turner(Will's Father) . And he has a message for Jack from Davy Jones. "You have a debt to pay. You owe Davy Jones your soul. That was the agreement. Time's up. You're a marked man, Jack Sparrow.""Any idea when Jones might release said terrible beastie?""I already told you, Jack. Your time is up. It comes now, drawn with ravenous hunger to the man what bears...the Black Spot.
Apperantly after this Jack starts acting a litle weird, ordering his crew to keep the boat in the shallows and such."Have you noticed lately, the captain seems to be acting a bit strange…er?" "Setting sail without knowing his own heading. Something's got Jack vexed, and mark my words, what bodes ill for Jack Sparrow bodes ill for us all."
Now that Jack knows he has a large ravenous beast coming after him he has to come up with a plan, and fast! Of course he can't sacrifice his own life to save his crew from the kraken so he sells Will to Davy Jones to settle his dept. However, Davy doesnt accept that. "You have a debt to pay. You owe Davy Jones your soul. That was the agreement. Time's up. You're a marked man, Jack Sparrow."  And so the beast is sent out again. And this time he wont be stopped. 
Jack and his crew fought valiantly  against the beast managing to scare it off for a time, but when he returned they were forced to make a decision.  They chose to abandon their ship The Black Pearl.  But No everyone agreed.  And she forced her opinion on Jack in the form of a kiss. After said kiss she handcuffed him to the mast of the ship and left him for dead to save herself and the crew, mainly Will though. But wait Jack manages to escape the handcuffs but not in time to flee from the beast. however he does get his sword out and kills the beast while being "eaten".  
Of course he isnt really dead. Just half dead iving with 20 of himselves on his ship in the middle of the desert. He tried valiantly to escape but he cant do it alone. Any good captain needs a crew. And this captain's crew comes to his rescue.....eventually.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

"All Part Of The Plan I Assume?"

"I've heard of you. And you know who I am."
"Face is familiar, have I threatened you before?"

George II and Jack Sparrow

Oh Jack what have you gotten yourself into this time? 
Handcuffed to a chair in the King's dining room surrounded by guards and appetizing food maybe?Not exactly the likeliest place. However he gets out of that room quickly, just in time to run in to his impersonator who of course is in a bar.

You've stolen me, and I'm here to steal myself back." --Jack
An impersonator who just happens to be one of Jack's many former lovers. But this one is just a teensy bit different"I was ready to take my vows! And you—what were you doing in a Spanish Convent, anyway?!"
"Mistook it for a brothel. Honest mistake."        Bad move Jack. After a touching reunion (in which Jack almost gets his butt kicked by a girl) They move on and get down to the important stuff. "I could use a ship..." " I just happen to be in possession of one."   But does she really? 

When he wakes up on a hammock in the  quarters onboard Black-Beards ship " The Queen Anne's Revenge", he finds out the truth of this interesting situation.  Angelica is supposedly Blackbeard's daughter and is currently the first mate. Well how cool is that? Not very. After trying and failing to stage a mutiny Jack begins to figure out how to help himself stay safe on what looks to be quite an interesting voyage.

Monday, November 21, 2011

"We Named the Monkey Jack"

Barbossa: "Why thank you Jack."
Jack: "You're welcome."
Barbossa: "Not you, we named the monkey Jack."

Awkward much?

In this scene of The Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Captain Jack Sparrow chases Jack, the monkey, around in attempt to prevent the monkey from giving Barbossa the final madallion.  After quite an adventure the monkey gives his master the Aztec gold.  Jack looses; But he still has his pride!  Until Barbossa tells him that the monkey is named after him, making Jack look like an animal and sort of full of himself.

So that is kinda awkward because Jack thinks Barbossa is talking to him, but in reality Barbossa would rather be talking to a filthy monkey.

Jack does like to monkey around, but he doesn't look much like one!  Do you see any simalarities?

If Jack were a monkey, I'd want him to be my little monkey, But I hate that monkey.  

Monday, November 7, 2011

"Him Heart"

So what lead up to Davy Jones being a fish face you might ask. Well he fell in love; .Tia Dalma: You know of Davy Jones? A man of the sea, a great sailor. Until he run afoul of that which vexes all men. Will Turner: What vexes all men? Tia Dalma: What indeed. Gibbs: The sea? Pintel: Sums? Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil? Jack Sparrow: A woman. Tia Dalma: A woman. He fell in love. Gibbs: No, no, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with. Tia Dalma: [annoyed] Same story, different versions. And all are true. See, it was a woman as changing and harsh and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain it caused was to much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die. Will Turner: What exactly did he put into the chest? Tia Dalma: Him heart. Ragetti: Literally or figuratively? Pintel: He couldn't literally put his heart in a chest. Could he?
Tia Dalma: It was not worth feeling what small, fleeting joy life brings. 

A women? But he is a pirate! How could he betray what should be his only love the sea? 
Quite simply actually; His love is the goddess of he sea Calypso. Calypso was captured by the very first brethren court and trapped into the human form that became Tia Dalma. She has been helping pirates like Jack for years. She's even brought back pirates from the dead. But she has never stopped love Davy Jones. 
 "Ten years I devoted to the duty you charged me. Ten years I looked after those who died at sea. And finally, when we could be together again…you weren't there! Why weren't you there?" "It's my nature. Would you love me if I was anything but what I am?" "I do not love you." Unfortunately the feeling is no longer mutual.  However as Davy Jones is dying he utters one final word..."Calypso" This leads me to believe that his love for her never has and never will die.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

"Cruel is a matter of perspective."

Our dear old Jack has returned from the dead. Much to the chagrin of Davy Jones; who lost his "little pet" the kraken because of it. After the meeting of The Brethren Court who elected Captain Elizabeth Swann as there king; Jack, Barbossa and Elizabeth had a meeting with Lord Beckett and Davy Jones and they discuss whether to fight or to end the argument right there. Pirates will be pirates and they decided to stick it out and fight of course. But Jack and Davy will meet again...very soon.  

"Ha ha…Lookie here, boys.  A lost bird that never learned to fly." "To my great regret. But it's never too late to learn!"--Davy Jones and Jack Sparrow

 During the last fight between Lord Beckett's British Navy and the Brethren Court's fleet; Jack and Davy lock in an epic battle for the chest that contains the heart of Dacy Jones and controls the fates of many men.

One of said fates belongs to a very special man; Will Turner. After   saving his recent wife Elizabeth's life, Will Gets stabbed in the chest by    Davy Jones. But his life is saved by the illustrious Jack Sparrow. In the end the good guys won, and Jack defeated the great Davy Jones. However Will only gets to see his beloved wife every ten years, but they make the best of it.


Friday, November 4, 2011

As you were, gents.

Jack and Will are on the hunt or a crew; But of course they need a first mate. Insert Mr. Gibbs, Jack's most faithful and closest friend. They find him drunk and sleeping in a pig-pen. But hey, thats the life of a pirate right? So after some thought they wake him up, with whatever is closest, and that happened to be two buckets of water." Mr. Gibbs: Curse you for breathin' ya slack-jawed idiot. Mother's love. Jack. You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleepin'. Its bad luck. Jack Sparrow: Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking. Mr. Gibbs: Aye, that'll about do it. [Will throws more water on Mr. Gibbs] Mr. Gibbs: Blast! I'm already awake! Will Turner: That was for the smell." This begins the search for the toughest and craziest crew to ever sail the seven seas.

Now where would a pirate like Jack go to look for a crew you might ask; well where else. a bar of course! The crew that they found consisted of some very interesting men, and to Gibbs chagrin women. This particular woman hated Jack. Big surprise there. However Jack quickly smoothed things with her by promising her a ship at the end of there journey. And so the journey begins

This crew stayed with him for the many journeys, but more then once left him to die all because of that dreaded pirate code. When on an Island with some crazy cannibals The crew  and Will escaped; unfortunately Jack fell behind and almost missed the boat. The second time wasn't entirely their fault. That blasted Elizabeth girl handcuffed him to the main mast of the boat and sealed his fate. 

  A fate that included being eaten by a monster with rather smelly breath. However Jack's crew came to his rescue and brought him back to life, however he didn't go willingly with them at first, but they convinced him and brought him back (using his ship) like any good crew would. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

"Idiot. He has nowhere to go but back to the noose!"

After some interesting altercations with the British Navy, Jack Sparrow is captured and is preparing to be hung, Will Turner is wearing some crazy hat and Elizabeth Swann (Turner) is engaged to James Norrington. My oh my what a great opportunity to embarrass some one and escape death!

Jack is all ready to be hung and is being read his charges;"Town Clerk: Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow: Captain... Captain Jack Sparrow.
Town Clerk: ...for your willful commission of crime against the crown. Those crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature...
Elizabeth: This is wrong...
Governor Swann: Commodore Norrington is bound by the law, as are we all.
Town Clerk: ...impersonating an officer of the Royal Navy; impersonating a clergy of the Church of England...
Jack Sparrow: Oh yeah, heh heh hehAll of a sudden Will shows up in his hat, and a parrot we all know flies by. Hmm something must be going on....right? Well of course! 

 The trapdoors under the gallows drop out and Jack is hanging between life and death but good 'ole Will throws his sword for jack to balance on and saves his partners life. but come on the area is surrounded by the Royal British Navy and there is know way out. 

But oh wait what about that Elizabeth girl? Right on time she springs into action and "faints" distracting her fiance for just the fight amount of time, and Jack forms a plan. And of course it works. He And Will end up unsurrouned by Royal Navy officers and prepare to jump off the cliff but they can't leave with out jack having his final word.
"Well, I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually...Ecumenically...Grammatically? I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that.
Elizabeth. It would never have worked between us darling...I'm sorry. Will...nice hat. Friends. This is the day that you will always remember as the day that—[Falls off]"

Oh wait what about the love of Will's life; Elizabeth? Will she choose to live the posh life with Norrington, or the rough and tumble life of a pirate with Will? Well duh, she follows her heart and chooses Will. "So, this is the you've chosen, is it? After all, he is a blacksmith." "No. He's a pirate."―Weatherby Swann and Elizabeth Swann/Turner  
    But of course Norrington had something to say about that  "I thought we might endure some ill-conceived escape attempt, but not from you."(to Will)  "On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency. And this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with him? He's .a pirate!"(to Lizzie) "And a good man."―James NorringtonAnd Elizabeth Swann/Turner  failed escape. But she sticks to her guns and stays with Will

            And so the trio lives to pirate another day.