"Where Is The Sense?"

In Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stanger Tides we get to meet some new characters that are a bit different from the usual. Can you guess what's different about them? If you said they're not Btitish than you were correct. In fact they are Spanish. While sailing to the Fountain of Youth, Barbossa and his crew run into some Spanish ships captained by a man we know as, "The Spaniard!" But they don't start shooting at each other like we all hoped, instead they just keep sailing to the Fountain. However they make up for they're lack of violence later in the movie when Blackbeard and his crew, Barbossa and his crew, and of course Jack Sparrow the one and only meet at the Fountain of Youth. 
Of course Barbossa is not so happy about how Blackbeard made him lose his leg so his crew and Blackbeard's crew are about to kill echother but Jack has an idea.(and we all know how good those are) Jack: "Whoa whoa, Hang on a minute. I just. . . Ijust need to understand something. Right so you will fight against them[ indicating Barbossa's crew] they will fight against you. [indicates Blacknbeard's crew]  All on the account of him[ indicates Barbossa] wanting to kill him? [indicates Blackbeard] Where is the sense? Exactly.  I say, let them fight each other while we lay back, watch, have a drink, place some wagers! Eh?" It looks as if everyone has been convinced but then Barbossa ruins it and tells his crew to attack which of course they do. 

Jack, himself finds himself in a stand off with Angelica and Scrum as they all fight for the chalices and the tear.  (Speaking of which, Philip Swift gets stabbed but runs away to his love.) Angelica: "Scrum, the chalacies and the tear!  Follow!" But while Scrum is trying to reach Angelica at the magical waters, Jack intercepts it.  Jack: "Hand it over.  The tear.  There's a good lad."  Scrum: "I"m more afraid of her than I am of you."  Ouch.  Jack, of course, gets his way with the tear by kicking Scrum's butt in a sword fight.  But then he has to deal with Angelica.  Angelica: "Hand it over.  There's a good lad."  Scrum decides that this is a good time to also join in again.  Jack: "The chalices, if you please."  Angelica: "Sorry Jack.  I told you, I need years.  
And now, yours will do."  Jack, who isn't quite fond of the idea of selling his life over to an evil dude with an abnormally large black beard.  So he uses his sword to gain control of the chalices, but looses the tear.  Oops.  Then he gets the tear again, excepet he looses the chalices.  It's like rock paper scissors!  You change your move because you think they will stay the same, but they change too!  The chalices are then knocked away from all of them onto the grass.  
But while everyone is killing eachother, the sneaky Spaniards sneak in, lead dy "the Spaniard". Letting a whole other army surround you while you ignorantly duel is probably not Blackbeard and Barbossa's smartest move.  In desparation, a British soldier holds up the flag and proclaims, "This land is hereby forever claimed in the glorious name of His Majesty King George."  Then he gets shot by the super hot Spaniard, "Someone make note of that man's bravery."  Jack, who got the chalices, quickly gives them to Angelica.  The Spaniard goes to Angelica. Spaniard: "Senorita, the chalices, por favor." When she doesn't hand them over the spaniard orders his men to take them from her. The Spaniard: "Only God can grant eternal life, not this pagan water." He then drops the chalices and stomps on them.  (Those are some strong boots).  
Spaniard to Blackbeard: "You are a fool.  You seek in this place what only faith can provide."  You tell him!  Too bad Philip already left, they could have some nice conversations. While Blackbeard is distracted Barbossa stabs him. But everybody is either destoying the temple or retreating with Barbossa to the Queen Anne's Revenge.  And there goes the Fountain of Youth.  It's not like it was that important or anything.  As if they all spent weeks sailing there for it. . .

"A Full Pardon"

Beckett: "The East India Trading Company has need of your services...We wish for you to act as our agent in a business transaction with our mutual friend Captain Sparrow." Will: "More acquaintance than friend. How do you know him?" Beckett: "We've had dealings in the past. And we've each left out mark on each other."  Will: "What mark did he leave on you?" Apparently Beckett has better things to do then answer this question. Beckett: "...By your efforts, Jack Sparrow was set free. I would like you to go to him and recover a certain property in his possession." Will: "Recover. At the point of a sword?" Beckett: "Bargain. [opens his wooden box with the East India Trading Company insignia and removes a leather case and takes out a few sheaves of paper] Letters of Marque. You will offer what amounts to a full pardon - Jack will be free, a privateer in the employ of England." 

Will: "Somehow I doubt Jack will consider employment the same as being free."Beckett: "[scoffs softly] Freedom. [puts the papers away and walks out onto the balcony; Will follows] Jack Sparrow is a dying breed. The world is shrinking. The blank edges of the map filled in. Jack must find his place in the New World or perish. Not unlike you, Mr. Turner. You and your fiancée face the hangman's noose."
 Will: "So you get both Jack and the Black Pearl." Beckett: "The Black Pearl?" Will: "The property you want that he possesses. Beckett: "A ship? Hardly. The item in question is considerably smaller and far more valuable. Something Sparrow keeps on his person at all times: a compass? [Will shows recognition on his face] Ah, you know it. Bring back that compass, or there's no deal. [Beckett walks away] "

If you didn't understand any of that I'll just summarize it in English. Beckett wants Will to go find Jack Sparrow's compass. Will thinks that Beckett means to kill Jack but really he wants Will to trade some documents (Letters of Marque) that will free Jack of his earlier crimes. 
The reason Beckett wants the compass is because he knows that it points to what you want most. H e thinks that it will point to the heart of Davy Jones which would give the leverage to command Jones. This would be very helpful in the "War Against Piracy" that Beckett is planning. Elizabeth , of course, ruins this whole plan by sneaking out of jail and into Beckeett's office in the middle of the night.  She steals these letters and forces Beckett to sign them.  
Elizabeth: "These letters of marque, they are signed by the king."  Beckett: "Yes, they're not valid until they bear my signature and my seal."  Elizabeth: "Or else I would not still be here."  As usual, she points her pistol at him and makes him sign the pardons before running away with them into the Caribbean.  Once on board the Black Pearl, Jack finds these letters and realizes what the Royal Navy wants him for.  Amused, he takes the letters from Elizabeth.  Elizabeth does a bitter more flirting with him before just letting him take them.    

However, "complications arose," and instead of Will bringing the compass to Beckett, James Norrington comes with the heart and the Letters of Marque, saving Beckett a lot time and work.  You see, while Jack and the others where running around the Isla de Cruces, Norrington stole the heart and the letters from him.  He told the others to leave without him, making the others think he was going to be captured.  Norrington had better plans and returned to Beckett with the letters of marque, his named filled hin them, granting himself the pardon and renewing his former glory.  Beckett: "If you wish to claim these you must have something to trade. Do you have the compass?" Norrington: "Better. The heart of Davy Jones." As reward Beckett makes Norrington an Admiral and gives him his old sword, the one Will Turner made.

"But You Have Heard of Me"

You know I'm beggining to think that Jack is not being treated the way he deserves. He save Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Jack saves the life of Elizabeth Swann by ripping of her corset. Let us see how he is repaid, shall we? Mullroy: "Never would've thought of that." Jack : "Clearly you've never been to Singapore. [sees medallion, to Elizabeth ] Where did you get that?" Norrington: "[to Jack , pointing his sword at him] On your feet." Governor Swann : "[helps Elizabeth up] Elizabeth . Are you alright?" Elizabeth : "Yes, I'm fine." Governor Swann : "[sees Murtogg holding Elizabeth's corset; Murtogg points at Jack ; Swann looks over at Jack ] Shoot him!" Elizabeth : "Father! Commodore, do you really intend to kill my rescuer?"
Norrington: "I believe thanks are in order. [offers his hand to shake; reveals P for pirate] Had a brush with the East India Trading company, did we, pirate?" Governor Swann : "Hang him." Norrington: "Keep your guns on him, men. Gillette , fetch some irons. [sees tattoo of a sparrow in flight] Well, well. Jack Sparrow, isn't it?"Jack: "Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir."Norrington: "Well, I don't see your ship, Captain." Jack: "I'm in the market, as it were." Norrington: "[Looking through Jack's things] No additional shot nor powder. A compass that doesn’t point North.[Then taking Jacks sword and looking at it]And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of." And of course Jack comes up with a great come back. Jack: "But you have heard of me." 

Did you see that? They just arrested the man who had just rescued the Governor's daughter! Outrageuos! In fact, I think it was very good that Jack escaped because really what did he do wrong? Rescue the most important lady on Port Royal? Have a tattoo of the letter P? These things are certainly not evil. And you'd think that that was the worsed part, but no. They have to insult him as well, calling him names and teasing him about how his compass doesn't point North. Well who cares about North, the compass points to what you want most! I think that's a bit cooler then their compasses. He also talks about how pitiful it is that Jack only has one shot, but actually Jack has his reasons for not getting additional bullets. 

Not only does Norrington make fun of his compass, he also teases Jack about how he's not a captain because they don't see his ship.If only Jack hadn't been so modest, and told them about the Black Pearl they wouldn't have been such meanies.  Of course, Jack always finds a way out of sticky situations like these, with the help of his dear friends Elizabeth and Will.  It takes a pretty good pirate to top that!

"I Will Not Be Doing It Again"

Blackbeard leads his crew off to White Cap Bay in search of a live mermaid in order to get a tear, required for the pro fain ritual of the Fountain of Youth.  Angelica explains that they picked just the right time to travel through the risky island, "The old moon in the arms of the new one.  First of the summer. Perfect for hunting a mermaid's tear."  However, mermaids aren't just swimming around, waiting to be captured and harvested for tears.  So the crew has to set up a pretty elaborate and dangerous plan in hopes of capturing one of the hundreds that could be roaming the waters.

Step 1)

Mermaids are drawn to man made light.  So Jack, Blackbeard, and Angelica travel to the light house to ignite the fire.  There is a big container of whale oil stored above the fire.  The oil slowly comes down into a bowl and is lit on fire.  Blackbeard: "Can you make it work?"  Crewman: "Made by the English. . . Let's not get our hopes up."  There is a large lens that is used to project the fire's light across the bay and point it to the bait, which brings us to our next step.

Step 2) 

The man made light is directed onto a small rowboat, filled with the usual suspects: Scrum, Philip Swift, a zombie quartermaster, and some other terrified crew mates.  All they can do is sit helplessly in their little dingy, wait for the mermaids to come and eat them, and hope that some how the crew will be able to bring down the mermaids before too many people die.  "There'll be mermaids upon us within the hour, you mark my words.  And we're the bait. . . they snatch a sailor of a boat or off the deck of a ship, have their way, and then the sailors are pulled to the bottom and drowned and eaten."  This couldn't get any better could it?

Step 3)

Mermaids are attracted to singing, so to make sure that they appear, the quartermaster commands Scrum to sing.  Not sure which he fears more, the zombie quartermaster or the wicked mermaids, he timidly begins to sing.  "My heart is pierced by Cupid; I disdain all glittering gold. There is nothing can console me But my jolly sailor bold. Come all ye pretty fair maids Whoever ye may be Who love a jolly sailor bold That plows the raging sea."  At first it seems as though nothing is going to happened, but then a mermaid slowly swims up to their boat and rests her head on the side.  She sings the song with them, and Scrum falls instantly into her love trap, despite his friend's warning.  They are about to kiss when she tries to attack.  The others are too quick and strike at her first.  And then all out war breaks loose.

Step 4) 

The rest of the crew is either in other rowboats, fighting the vicious sea creatures or on the shore with nets to capture them.  Those in the boats are trying to attack the mermaids (who were there because they were attracted to the light and singing) and drive them to the shore.  Blackbeard commands his ship with his super cool sword so that fire is blasted towards the mermaids.  They're smart creatures though and they fight back powerfully, using seaweed to drag sailors into the depths of the sea with them.  Jack, realizing how dangerous the situation has become, calls out, "Retreat, I say!"  But sadly, Jack's not captain, Blackbeard is, and he has other plans, "Cowards!  Back in the water!  There be no refuge on land!  Mark my word!"  He begins to shoot towards anyone trying to escape.

Step 5)

Jack, of course, saves the day with some ingenious yet ridiculous plan.  He climbs up back to the light house, narrowly escaping being taken by mermaids.  Once on top, the bangs on the container holding all the highly flammable oil until it creaks.  He then jumps out of the tower in just enough time too keep himself from being toasted.  As he plummets down towards the water, the light house explodes, sending everything in the bay into chaos and forcing the mermaids to finally retreat.  But the crew manages to capture one mermaid, Syrena, thanks to Philip Swift.  Jack climbs out of the water, exhausted.  "Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again."  Success!  All thanks to Jack, as usual.

"It is Neither Proper Nor Suitable"

Shall we take a trip to the Land of the Dead? Yes? Okay then let's go. I think the best time to go to Davy Jones' Locker is when Captain Jack Sparrow went there...


One of the Hallucination Jacks is looking for some food. Ooh he found a peanut! He's about to eat it. . . BAM, and he falls down dead. And now the real Jack Sparrow is there with a pistol.
Oh my it looks as if Jack just shot his hallucination. Now Jack is eating the peanut. Good for him. Jack: " My peanut. All heartily, slacken braces!" 
Fake Jack: "Aye captain. Slacken braces." Other Fake Jack: "Step lively whether will." Other Fake Jack: "Aye aye, right away sir." Then a bunch of strange things go on with hallucination Jack's including laying eggs and lying on the floor for no apparent reason. The fake Jacks are a bit weird but at least their Jack and we were a bit short on those earlier in the movie.

Real Jack: "Mr. Sparrow?" Fake Jack: "Aye Captain." Real Jack: "What say you about the condition of this tack line?" Fake Jack: "It be proper to my eyes, sir."Jack: "Proper? It is neither proper nor suitable, sir. It is not acceptable, nor adequate. It is, in obvious fact, an abomination." Fake Jack:"Beggin’ your pardon, sir. But, perhaps if you gave man another chance…" Jack: "Shall I? [stabs rope  Fake Jack with sword] That sort of thinking got us into this mess. [To the rest of the crew] We have lost speed, and therefore time…precious time…which cannot be recovered once lost. Do you understand?" All Fake Jacks: "Aye Captain." Captain Sparrow then gets mad at his "crew" and jumps of the boat onto the sandy floor. 
He apparently thinks that rocks are tasty because right then and there he picks one and licks it.  It was not as good as he wanted so he threw the rock as far as he could behind him. Then he starts talking to himself about a bunch of nonsense. You know the Land of the Dead is very strange when you are followed by rocks, and that's exactly what happened to Jack. He turned around and found that rock again. Jack then realizes the Black Pearl is moving away from him. He quickly gets on board and sail's right to the shore where Barbossa and the crew are waiting. Tai Hung: "Impossible. . ." Gibbs: "Slap me thrice and hand me to mama!" That's Jack Sparrow for you. He always finds away to amaze you.

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate..."

Eight years before he met Jack Sparrow, Will Turner met Elizabeth Swann. While sailing in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on board the HMS Dauntless; A young Lizzie spotted something in the ocean. The sailors dragged it in and it turned out to be a young boy whom they later discovered was Will Turner.This young boy had quite the interesting medallion around his neck and apparently Lizzie liked it because she ripped it from his neck while he was unconscious. (not very polite if you ask me)Lizzie didn't know then how much trouble that medallion was going to get her in...

Eight years later they met again when Will delivered a sword to Governor Swann's estate. And Will never got over that girl. They met several times more by chance but Will new his place and never had the chance to beat out all the other suitors. And before he knew it she was engaged to Captain James Norrington. 

While all this 'romance' between Will and Lizzie is going on, Jack takes to the opportunity to get captured by a certain Royal British Navy officer none other then James Norrington. But of course he escapes by using Lizzie as a shield he managed to evade his captures and stumbled into the smithy that Will was apprenticing at. Now Jack Being the loveable pirate that he is expected Will to just let him leave. However, Will has a secret hate of pirates (well not so secret anymore) Jack:"You need to find yourself a girl, mate...Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you've already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" Will: "I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!" Jack:"Hah." Jack is so smart isn't he! SO of course will can't just let Jack go without a fight so they duel until Will's boss smacks Jack over the head with a bottle of rum.

 And then Jack gets recaptured by the good Captain, and has to await his hanging with the common prisoners and their dog.  But after everyone has returned to their lives a surprised attack is launched on Port Royal by none other then The Black Pearl, Captained by Hector Barbossa and crewed by cursed men. They have a mission on this raid. Find the medallion. And of course they do. (or we wouldn't have much of a story) 
They found it hiding in a wardrobe at the Governor's estate.
 
Will learned of Elizabeth's capture and hooks up with the only pirate he know to help save her. But first they need a ship. And we all know which boat they take. The one thats already prepared!  And with surprisingly no fighting involved they commandeer the ship and set sail in search of Elizabeth and a new crew. Lets hope they find a crew rather quickly.

"Every Route, Every Destination"

 As we already know, Jack Sparrow escape custody in the middle King George's palace.  Gibbs, however, was not so lucky.  Rather, he is stuck with his life sentence given to him by Jack, disguised as Judge Smith.  Barbossa, the new privateer for the Royal Navy, has different plans for Gibbs' fate.  Barbossa drags Gibbs out to the gallows in the middle of the night. 
Gibbs: "There's been a mistake.  It's a life sentence, not death.  LIFE!  Barbossa!"  Barbossa: "Thank you, gentlemen.   I trust you can tie a noose."  Gibbs: "That's a hard thing, forcing a man to twist his own hanging rope."  Barbossa:  "You must lie in your bed the way you made it."  You make about as much sense as Cutler Beckett when he talks about material.  Do British Navy people not know how to talk??? Gibbs: "What happened to you?"  Barbossa: "Where be Jack Sparrow?"  The question we would all like to know.  Gibbs: "He escaped."  As usual.  Barbossa: "I'm on a tight schedule Gibbs.  The HMS Providence sets sail at first light.  If you do not care to watch it hanging here dead, with a mouth full of flies . . . speak now."  Ew.  Too many bad images are popping into my head.   
Gibbs become slightly frantic now, watching them prepare the noose.  Gibbs: "Take me wtih you.  Any point of the compass. . ."  Barbossa: "Take you were Gibbs?  The Fountain?  Aye?  Is that where Jack be headed?  Have you anything you can offer me, Gibbs?  Anything at all?"  Um, so many questions.  Gibbs remains silent and terrified.  Barbossa: "Upon me naked word, you'll not see the dawn." More noose tying, and Gibbs becomes desparate.  But he's still a smart man, after hanging out with Jack for so long.  He pulls out Jack's maps to the fountain of youth.  Barbossa is intrigued.  Barbossa: "Hand it over."  Gibbs pretends to hand it to Barbossa, but instead lights it on fire.  Hah aha, tricked you!  Which is a shame because those maps were so valuable.  Barbossa: "You fool!"  Gibbs: "I had just enough time to study those infernal circles.  Every route, every destination.  All safe. . . in here."  
Barbossa, furious, scowls: "Welcome back to His Majesty's Navy, Master Gibbs."  How does Barbossa know that Gibbs used to be in the Navy?  Remember the opening scene of the saga?  Those charts keep Gibbs alive alive  while on board the HMS Providence, while the British and the Spaniards race to The Fountain of Youth. Barbossa: "Be we on the right course, Gibbs?" Gibbs: "Aye, it be proper. There's your proof!"
He points at a fleet of Spanish ships sailing in the same direction. Barbossa looks where Gibbs pointed through a spyglass and apparently does not like what he sees. Barbossa: "The Spaniard! All hands! Battle stations! Get to windward!" The crew then prepares to fight the the Spanish fleet but apparently they have better things to do then blow up some Brits. Gibbs: "He never so much as turned his head." How Gibbs can see from that far away I have no idea. Barbossa: "The fountain is the prize. It appears we be not even worth the time it would take to sink us. And now we've fallen behind! All hands make more sail!" Let me get this straight. You can either fight three huge ships or you can get ready to fight them but fall behind. That seems rather grim any way you slice it.

"A Bit More Shiny"

Jack Sparrow returns in The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, but although he's captain of the Black Pearl once again, he prefers to ride around in a dead man's chest.  Jack's on a secret mission to sneak into this super creepy place where people are fed to birds.  But it's all worth it in the end because well, they got a key.  Oh wait, no, they just got a drawing of a key...  Which is much more better.  But of course, sneaking into a fort like that isn't easy.   And it's even harder to get out.  But Jack, of course, finds a way to anyways.  Hence, the rowing in a coffin with a dead man, and what better paddle than a dead man's foot.  Ya know, the usual?  Jack: "Sorry, mate.  Mind if we make a little side trip?  I didn't think so."  

Jack makes it back to the Pearl and his good old crew, who of course, aren't all that pleased with their latest booty.  Gibbs, as he sees the dead foot: "Not quite according plan."  Jack: "Complications arose, ensued, were overcome."  Gibbs: "You got what you went in for?" Jack: "Mm-hmm."  Jack then shows off his super handy dandy "drawing" of a key.  Gibbs:  "Captain, I think the crew, meaning me as well, were expecting something a bit more. . . shiny.  What with the Isla de Muerta going pear-shaped, reclaimed by the sea with the treasure.  Crew member: "And the Royal Navy Chasing us around the Atlantic."  Marty: "And the hurricane."  Members: "Aye."  Gibbs: "All in all, it seems some time since we did a speck of honest pirating."  Jack:  "Shiny?"  Gibbs: "Aye, shiny."  Jack: "Is that how you're all feeling?  That perhaps dear old Jack is not serving your best interests as captain?"  Awkward silence. . . until Cotton's parrot squawks: "Walk the plank."  Ah man, dude, that hurts.  Deep.  Jack: "What did the bird say?"  

And of course, he has to haul out his sword, I mean gun, (I just love these quotes).  Crew member:  "Do not blame the bird.  Show us what is on that piece of cloth there."  Well, if you're going to be all bossy, why don't you just tell us how you really feel.  Then Jack pops up; Jack the monkey, that is.  For some reason he's still immortal and all boney.  So when Captain Jack shoots at it, nothing happens.  Gibbs:  "You know that don't do no good."  Jack:  "It does me."  Now, back to the key.  Marty:  "It's a key."  Jack: "No!  Much more better.  It's a drawing of a key!"  Oh goody goody gumdrops guys, we have a picture of a key! 
 After a great chitchat about the drawing, that makes creepy music play, Jack convinces his crew to set out in search of that key.  Marty: "So... do we have a heading?"  Jack: "Ah!  A heading!  Set sail in a . . . uh . . . general . . . That way direction!"  Gibbs:  "Captain?"  Jack: "Come on, snap to and make sail.  You know how this works.  Go on.  Oi, oi!"  Don't you just love the language of Jack?  Marty: "Have you noticed lately the captain seems to be acting a bit strange . . . er?"  Gibbs:  "Setting sail without knowing his own heading.  Something's got Jack vexed, and mark my words, what bodes ill for Jack Sparrow bodes ill for as all."  Sorta like the cannibals, the giant sea monster, Squid Face, Cutler Beckett, James Norrington, and that blacksmith William Turner.