Tuesday, July 17, 2012

"The Infinite Mystery of it all"

After the death of Blackbeard and the destruction of the Fountain of Youth, everyone has their own way of celebrating.  Jack rows Angelica over to a little speck of land in the middle of nowhere and leaves her there with but one shot to shoot herself.  Well, she wastes her chance at suicide by shooting it at him as he rows away.  After seeing her do all those crazy stunts and swordfights you'd think she'd have a better aim.  But she does not and misses him, which is very wonderful because what would would we do without Captain Jack Sparrow the one and only?  Meanwhile, Captain Hector Barbossa is busy with his own new ship: The Queen Anne's Revenge.  He makes a pretty good pun that I think makes him deserving of such a ship: "The Revenge is mine."  He's all ready to make sail, but he's still missing one thing: his hat.  And well all know how important a hat is to a pirate, (especially Barbossa because he looks awful without it.  Or as I should say, more awful).  But now hat is still better than that terrible wig.  This resolves itself also though because one of the crew members finds a hat on board the ship.  
The hat used to be Angelica's, but as she is stranded on an island I think she has gigger problems to worry about.  It's fancy with a huge feather, just how he likes it.  With his awesome new hat and the super magical sword of Blackbeard, he can now set sail!  And what better place to go than the lovely port of Tortuga!  Barbossa: "All hands!  Ply to windward! Get cracking, ye blooming cockroaches!" Barbossa laughes almost as much as Pintel and Ragetti do for no good reason.  When he's finally finished cackling about calling his crew "blooming cockroaches", he continues: "The Crwon served me well.  But now, by the gods of the sea and sky. . . make way for Tortuga!"  He rips up some piece of paper that probably declared him a privateer and throws it away as all his crew cheers for Tortuga!  So now that Barbossa has his own ship, maybe he can finally back off trying to take the Black Pearl from its rightful owner, Cutler Beckett.  Just kidding, of course the Pearl should be Jack Sparrows.  
And indeed it is thanks to the great first mate Joshamee Gibbs.  Jack somehow rides his dinghy to where Gibbs is waiting for him on a different island.  Jack greets him with a very warm welcoming.  Jack: "Gibbs, you filthy, besotted shellback, you made it!"  Gibbs, of course, takes no offense: "Aye!"  Jack: "And I trust we managed a profit from our joint enterprise?"  Let me translate Jack-language to English for you: Did we finally get back the Pearl for helping Blackbeard reach the fountain to die?  Gibbs, who speaks fluent Jack, replies: "Feast your eyes."  And there she is: The Black Pearl.  Sitting all nicely on a tree branch.  How is she on the tree branch exactly, well if you don't recall Blackbeard shrunk her down and slipped her into a bottle with dear Jack the monkey inside.  And since Blackbeard is now in Davy Jones' Locker (or is it called Will Turner's Locker?)  it doesn't look like he'll be unshrinking it any time soon. But the Pearl finally being back in his hands (literally) makes Jack smile.  Gibbs: "The compass led me straight and true."  It always does!  Jack: "What of Blackbeard's men guarding the ship?"  Gibbs: "I employed the selfsame maneuver we perfected in New Guinea."  
Jack: "Oh."  I'm guessing they had some fancy plan they use to steal things in the past.  Gibbs: "Seemed a shame to leave an entire fleet behind."  Gibbs pulls out his very nice prize: a large bag filled with tons of more bottled ships.  Now they can have an armada!    Jack: "Shame indeed."  Yay!  I feel a plan forming.  But Jack is still interested in his favorite ship, which we all know what it is.  Except there is still that monkey to deal with.  Jack: "I hate that monkey."  Don't we all?  Gibbs: "So, the Pearl . . . Any idea how to get her out?"  Of course Jack always has some brilliantly devised plan: "We shall need a crossbow, an hourglass, three goats.  One of us must learn to play the trumpet whilst the other one goes like this . . ."  Jack does some very nice spirit fingers.  Sadly, not even I can translate this plan out of Jack-language to English. Gibbs: "I know a man with a goat."  Jack: "Good.  I can go like this."  Such beautiful spirit fingers.  As usually Gibbs just goes along with the plan and it will probably work out.  I mean, Jack won't rest until he is once again in charge of the Pearl, aye?  So they start to walk on the beach into the sunset.  
Gibbs: "Jack, I have to ask you had the chalices, the water, the tear . . . You could have lived maybe forever."  Jack: "The Fountain does test you, Gibbs.  (Remember Teagues words?)  But better to not know which moment may be your last.  Every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all.  And who's to say I won't live forever, eh?  Discoverer of the Fountain of Youth.  I have no say in it, Gibbs.  It's a pirate's life for me, savvy?"  Savvy!  This magnificent life lesson of Jack doesn't need translating.  It's such a fullfilling way to end the movie.  Hopefully it wont' be the end of the series though.  Jack and Gibbs walk off together, as happy as a clam, untill their next big adventure!

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