Tuesday, November 27, 2012

"Never Actually Been One For Tradition"

The newly wed Mr. and Mrs. Will Turner find their hopes tragically crushed when Davy Jones evilly stabs Will's heart.  All hopes of them living happily ever after would have been diminished if it were not for Captain Jack Sparrow, of course.  Jack lets Will stab Jone's heart just in time, making Will the almost immortal captian of the Flying Dutchman.  As the crew comes out to carve out his heart, Elizabeth starts to feak out, not really understading what is happening.  Elizabeth: "Don't leave me.  Don't.  No!  U won't leave you."  So Jack picks her up and polls her off of Will, knowing that she won't be able to handle the sight over her husband's chest being cut open.  Ew.  Bootstrap Bill: "The Dutchman must have a captain."  As always, dramatic music is playing in the background.  Jack has Elizabeth just in time before Bootstrap makes the incision.  He ties her ound his waste with some rope and finds some creative way to get them off the cursed ship (no surprise there).  
Jack: "Hold on!"  He makes a little parachute out of the mast and uses a gun to shoot them off the deck.  Jack the monkey realizes just in time to grab onto some rope hanging off of their parachute.  The crazy wind storm pushes them away from the ship.  Elizabeth has regained her sanity long enough to hold onto Jack's waist and watch the Dutchman and its new captain fall into the Maelstrom.  The wind drops them off in the water, not far from the Black Pearl and the threesome are helped back onto the ship.  Gibbs: "Thank goodness, Jack.  The armada's still out there.  The Endeavor's coming up hard to starboard, and I think it's time we embrace that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions."  There it is again, after all that they still want to run away.  On the bright side, the storm has cleared up!  (Get it, bright?)  Jack, however, has better plans.  He's not ready to give up this fight he just started.  Jack: "Never actually been one for tradition."  
He walks over the side and stares out at the EITC armada, but he never looses faith in himself. Now that they've got the Dutchman on their side, what could go wrong?  Jack: "Close haul her.  Luff the sails and lay her in irons."  Barbossa: "Bely that, or we'll be a sitting duck."  And the arguing continues.  Jack: "Belay that 'belay that.'"  Gibbs keeps trying to talk some reason into Jack (nice try, but it can't work), but Gibbs can barely get more than a word out before Jack screams: "BELAY.  BELAY!"  Gibbs: 'The Endeav . . ."  Jack: "Stow.  Shut it!"  Discussion closed.  Jack runs over to the steering wheel.  Meanwhile, on the Endeavor, Groves is rather shocked to see through hid telescope that the pirates are still just sitting there.  Groves: "What are they waiting for?"  Beckett: "He expects us to honor our agreement."  Groves just gives him a crazy look and they pull out their cannons.  Beckett: "It's nothing personal, Jack.  It's just good business."  So now Beckett is all smug because he thinks he's going to end piracey once and for all.  Or so it seemed.  

Because then out of the ocean arises the Flying Dutchman!  Now, Beckett is still really oblivious and doesn't know about the death of Jones.  Beckett: "Ah, she survived."  The three ships, the Endeavor, the Pearl, and the Dutchman, all begin to sail towards eacother.  Beckett thinks that Jones on the Dutchman will be helping him take down the Pearl.  This must be a rather disappointing day for Beckett.  Because lo' and behold the crew of the Dutchman has lost it's curse and their new captain, Will Turner, is standing all handsomely at the wheel shouting orders.  Will: "Ready on the guns."  Crew: "Guns ready."  This totally pumps Jack and Elizabeht up.  Jack: "Full canvas."  And this pumps the rest of the crew up, even Barbossa.  Barbossa: "Aye, full canvas."  The Pearl and the Dutchman set their course parallel to eachother, not against eacother like Beckett had expected.  This worries Beckett a bit as his ship is suddenly almost right inbetweeen the two ships.  That's when it hits him, he's not surviving this thight.  Groves: "Orders, sir.  SIR!"  
Beckett goes through one of his little episodes where he totally panics and can't think.  He just stands their numbly without a clue of what to do becasue now they're surrounded.  This is just too easy.  Gibbs: "Cap'n." Jack: "Fire."  Gibbs: "Fire!"  Oh here we go again.  Will: "Fire!"  Barbossa: "Fire!"  Elizabeth: "Fire, all!"  She just has to be different.  Now, most ships don't survive being blown away on both sides, so Groves is totally freaking out: "ORDERS? ORDERS SIR?"  Poor Groves, he has to take commands from a coward.  More soldiers are freaking out: "Sir, what do you command?"  Beckett finally speaks: "It's just . . . good business."  Groves finds Beckett useles now.  Groves: "Abandon ship!"  So as all his men fly off the railing, Beckett walks around his blown up deck right into his epic death in which he dies on an EITC flag.  How appropriate.  

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